Accept Me

Chapter Nineteen

KIMI

I'm married.

It's funny. When I came here I didn't expect to do this so soon. I expected to finish my doctoral work first and then do it. Then I didn't expect to do it at all. And now here I am. Married to Ahn Hyuk Jae.

Not safe, still, but married which makes me feel safer even if it's an illusion. Maybe I'm not safe from Song Ah, but I'm safe from my so-called parents who wouldn't dare upset the Ahn Family, and now I can see Arthur and Hedda any time I want.

Of course, the moment we got the certificate of registration Hedda said she'd close up shop in Brazil and fly back to Korea and Auntie, or mom now, started in on me immediately about finding a gown and booking a date and venue for the wedding reception since the whole 'we never stopped working on the wedding' thing was a total lie she told the media. Though I do have that wedding planner who covered for us to work with, so that's good.

I really thought I wouldn't have a lot of opinions about the wedding, but apparently I have quite a lot of opinions. For someone who never truly pictured herself getting married I'm weirdly into the details and the meaning of certain customs.

When mom asks me if I want to invite the Johnson Greens I say no right way. Not any of them, thank you. I'm an Ahn now, I don't need to be anything else.

The guest list is insane. Famous people, powerful people, international celebrities and government officials fill it. It's totally wild and it makes me feel even safer knowing that these people are the Ahn's people, doing something to me now is a death sentence for Song Ah. I don't think it'll stop her really, but along with the legal marriage, the powerful guest list, makes me feel a little more secure.

We're just waiting though, and I know it.

Jae says I shouldn't focus on that, though, that that's why we've paid all these people and are taking all these precautions. Ultimately, though, I wonder if it's worth just ripping the bandaid off...make myself available to take a shot at so this is done with.

Only...I think I'm pregnant.

I'm really, really late.

My horrible little friend should've come a week or so after Jae's arrival at Lim Tan's but it never did.

I told myself, initially, that it was stress.

Now....well...we've had a lot of - intentional - unprotected sex.

I don't feel any different, though. At least not physically. I just get this weirdly hopeful feeling that makes me sort of teary every time I look at Jae and think about if I could have our baby. But it's surreal and seems like something too good to be true for me.

Sort of like having a wedding, I had no idea how much I wanted Jae's children before it became distinctly possible I might have one as soon as next year. But I do, I want a child who'll grow up loved and secure in a stable family like his.

Like ours.

It's time to find out the truth and stop thinking-not thinking, so today, one week after registering our marriage and one week before Christmas I want to know if I'm carrying his baby or not.

I ask Hyuk Jae to take me to the convenience store and he agrees with a simple "ok" not questioning why just helping me go where I want to go.

"Stay in the car?" I ask him and he gives me this look like I must have fallen and hit my head to ask such a stupid question.

"Right, then, never mind. Let's go!"

He follows me in and I wander around a little with him behind me, scared to go where I need to and just nervous as hell in general.