Hooked on love

Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Nick is moving away? When? Is this what he wanted to talk about tonight? Because if it is, I'm not prepared.
20 minutes has past and I finally meet him half way between our houses. I see him leaning against the tree we always meet under, hes deep in thought with his eyebrows creased. Its okay, just let him talk. He probably isn't leaving anywhere. I keep telling myself that over and over until it feels real.

"H-hey, are you leaning for dramatic effect?" Talk about playing it cool, stutter McGee! He looks up and his face unscrews slowly and turns into a smile. "You could say that, let's take a seat like the old days." Something in me locks my legs, I don't want to sit, if I sit something bad will happen. He looks up and tugs at my hand, indicating for me to sit, he feels so warm. I force myself to sit in front of him so I can read his face. Here goes nothing.
"I know I've been distant recently, but its so I can get my head around things, and after our conversation today I had to take a chance and come and see you." Get his head round what? Around Cassie? I don't understand. "At first, I was confused my with feelings and with Jackson swooping in, it made me realise that after all this time I have feelings for you, Ava."
"Feelings? What do you mean?" He isn't seriously saying what I think he's saying. "I love you, Ava. I have for a while, I just haven't noticed until now." The air leaves me, I feel like someone has kicked me in the stomach. He-he loves me? I stare at him, nothing will come out.
"I know I'm being selfish in telling you like this but i had to take a chance with you. You are my soul mate, and depending on your answer determines my path." Soul mate? Path? What's going on? Is this to do with moving away?
"Nick, I'm with Jackson. Why are you doing this? How long have you had these feelings?"
"A couple of years. They gradually got stronger, and I was going to tell you after we went shopping but I chickened out."
"Years?! Nick, we shared a bed together! How can you hide something like this from your best friend? You're like a brother to me, I love you too but as my family!" This can't be happening, I can't lose him - please anyone but him. "I know you felt something in my car last time we was alone, I saw it in your eyes."
"That was- I don't know what that was. But bombarding me like this isn't helping. I need time to think!" Deep down i know it's over for us, I can't hurt him anymore. God, all of the boys he's watched me date and the amount of times I've cried to him. I'm so stupid! I start to cry.
"I don't have time." He wipes the tears away and holds my face in his hands. "What do you mean? Why does it feel like you're saying goodbye?" I said. "Shhh...This is why I'm here. I'm moving away, that's why I had to take this chance and tell you how I felt." He's really leaving me, alone. "No, no no! You can't leave me, I need you! You're my rock!" Tears are pouring from my eyes, I have snot cloggin up my nose.
"I could stay, if we were together, or you could come with me? Can't we try?" I wipe my nose, "are you asking to be together, like boyfriend and girlfriend?" He nods. He's serious, I've never seen him look so determined before. "Can't we take it slow? Or just be friends? I don't know!" I'm losing control, I want to be sick. Why is this happening to me?
"It's either a relationship or nothing." He's giving me no choice, its one of the other. "I don't think I can a choice, we've never done anything intimate before."
"Then how about this?" He grabs me and forces a kiss on me, desperate for touch. I let him in, his tongue explores my mouth for the first time. I search deep to find anything to give this a shot. Even with him giving me hisnsll, I feel nothing. I pull away and cry even harder.
"I'm sorry Nick...I can't do this. I tried to feel, I wanted too. But I-" he puts his finger on my lips stopping me in my tracks. "I know, you felt nothing." He stares into my eyes, I wish I could feel something, anything for him. Why can't it be him? I don't want to lose him. "I'm sorry for forcing it on you like this, I thought you held something for me." Somewhere I do, but Jackson is so much bigger in my heart than he is, there isn't enough room.
"If you had told me before Jackson, then things could have been different."
"Yeah, maybe." There's no way for fpthis friendship to carry on, and admitting it after everything we've been through breaks my heart into a million pieces. "I'm sorry Nick." My bottom lip starts to tremble.
"I know, its okay. It needed to happen, I don't regret anything. I wish things were different too." For a second I think he's going to cry. "!e too. Where are you going?"
"I think America, I've seen a few jobs I like." That sounds nice, but hell be so far away... "How long?"
"I don't know, I don't plan on coming back for a while." As much as I don't want him to go, I need to support him, be strong Ava!
"So this is goodbye?" I said.
"Yeah, I guess so." Be strong until he leaves, you can do it.

We hug for a few minutes, ikk tajr what I can for now. We don't say much afterwards, we've said everything we need.
"Please stay in touch." I'm being selfish now, but I have to keep some strings attached. "I will after I, you know, heal." Oh Nick, I can't be sorry enough. "Okay." He gets up and brushes the dirt off his pants, then helps me up.
"Until next time?" He says, holding out his hand. I look and see the hair bang I gave him years ago, except he's added a little bell. I need to hold back the tears, he's making it so hard for me to keep it together. "Please keep it or throw it when I'm not around." I couldn't bare possessing that, it's too precious. I was secretly hoping he'd keep it.  He shoves it in his pocket and smiles. "Take care, Ava."
"You too Nick."
We go our seperate ways, once he's out of sight, I let go. I scream and let the tears fall, I want to cry until there's no more. Out of everything, thus was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

After a good cry, a hoarse throat later I find myself running the opposite way to Jacksons house. Hoping that I've made the right choice in choosing him.