Hooked on love

Chapter 42

Chapter 42

"If you want to leave so badly, fine. Go." I fall and hit the ground. I jolt awake, sweating and crying. "Not again!" I say to myself. I wipe the tears away and sit up dangling my legs off the side of the bed. The only thing breaking the silence is the monitor connected to my heart beeping like crazy. "She's been asleep for 2 days already, can't you do something Lisa?!" Mum? What is she doing here? I slowly ease myself off the bed to have a look. "I'm sorry pam but she needs her rest, she lost a lot of blood." Lisa whispered. A sob breaks loose from my mum's mouth, "How could this have happened to my baby?" I see Lisa hug my mum to comfort her. I feel sick to my stomach looking at how much this has affected her, I never thought of her. "Mum.." Her head shoots up as I peer round the door. "Ava! Are you alright?" She starts towards me with tears streaming down her cheeks and as soon as she wraps her arms around me, something inside me snaps and first time in what feels like forever, I'm home. "I'm okay now, I'm sorry mum I didn't mean to upset you and.." she places her finger over my mouth and slowly shakes her head. "Please don't apologise. I'M sorry I wasn't there to help you through this, I couldn't imagine what you've been through sweetheart." I sob hard into her chest and I finally feel free, I just want to hug her forever and never let go. "Let's go inside, sit down and when you're ready you can try and tell me everything." She smiles and I begin to sob again. "oka...y.." I wipe the back of my hand across my nose and prepare myself for the next few minutes. Just as I sit myself on the bed I notice my mum has stayed in the door way looking nervous. "What's wrong?" I ask. She fidgets and looks down the hallway at something, I can see she's struggling to get the words out and stand back up. "Mum just tell me, what's wrong?" She walks into the room and the words just shoot out of her mouth, "Now sweetheart, I'm not doing this to upset you or make things worse but I've listened to his side of the story and would like you to let him in to speak to you I stop in my tracks and my heart sinks to the pit of my stomach. Has she really brought HIM with her after all that's happened? And what side of the story? I feel rage bubbling up in me. I look behind her and see Jackson standing in the door way, not even making eye contact with me.

I haven't had time to comprehend what I would feel seeing him again after what's happened, but seeing him standing in my doorway looking as broken as I was a few days ago fills me with confusion and hate. What could he possibly have to say and why has he even been speaking to my mother of all people? I have so many things I want to ask him yet I have nothing to say.

To other people the room is full of silence; to me and Jackson we've been saying everything we need to while staring at each other. I'm thankful he can't actually hear what I'm thinking.

"So, err...have they been telling you I've visited nearly every day? They wouldn't let me see you.." his sentence trails off.

"Yeah, I told them to not let you in, I didn't want to see you." I said with more hate than I intended too. After all this time his voice still does things to me, and I don't want it too anymore. There's no way for us to go back to what we was, even if it hurts thinking about it. This is why I chose to not see him, it makes everything so much more hard to get over. Just him being here makes me forget what I want to say yet his very presence makes me question why he thought he had the right to do what he did. Before I knew it, the words were out of my mouth. "Why did you let them take her?" They both stare at me with blank expressions like they don't understand what I'm saying.

"I don't understand? I-" I cut him off. "Why. Did. You. Let. Them. Take. Our. Daughter. Away?" Spitting each word at him. My mother looks at him then me confused. "What are you talking about?" she says. Told her your side of the story my arse!

"He told them to save me over our baby when I 'collapsed'. Did he tell you how I collapsed? He pushed me and I just happened to fall down the stairs!" I yell. She gasps and looks at Jackson who holds his hands up like he's trying to protect himself.

"It wasn't like that! I can't apologise enough for what I did, but I did not push you on purpose Ava, and with regards to that incident, you would have died if I didn't give them consent and you was unconscious!" He looks at me, frowning.

"I wouldn't have been in that state if it wasn't for you though, would I?" All the harboured feelings I've kept locked away start to erupt inside of me. "You knew I would have told you to save her over me, yet you was too selfish to even think about it!"

"Yes, I was selfish! What's wrong with trying to save the woman I love?" Do you think it was easy for me to choose?!" He shouts standing up breathing heavily. I don't understand this feeling inside me, would I have chosen what he did if I was in his position? No – it was a baby, my baby girl...but then letting him die for her would make me sad.

"You aren't the one with a scar on your belly to remind you every day. I didn't get to say goodbye!" The scars on my wrists start to ache and I look down at start to feel empty again. Stupid scars. Why did it have to- "Do you know how lucky you are? You have survived 2 near deaths and you're still here to talk about it! This is life's way of giving you another chance of it, Ava. I'm for one grateful you're still alive, so stop acting like you're alone!" I stare at my mother in shock. Have I really been acting like that? All I want to do is shout back but I have nothing. The big black hole has opened up welcoming me back in, I should walk away but I want it to swallow me up this time. I couldn't get away from it anyway, it never lets me.

"..I've been in touch with my mum." Jackson says out of nowhere. What? His mother?