Hooked on love

Chapter 30

Chapter 30

Journal entry – July 30th
Beau and I have finally put our travel plan into action. Once she turns 18 next year we’re going to travel to Japan for a few weeks. I’ve been working to gain experience for teaching English over a year now and also learning Japanese on a Tuesday evening for nearly 2 years. After I’ve gained the qualifications for those, I can look for a temporary job over there maybe. I’d love to live over there one day.
Beau has been offered to be a transfer student to any country she wants to get extracurricular achievements, she’s the highest achiever in her year – which I didn’t know until recently. So she’s chosen Japan as her goal for now, and she hopes to go back packing after she completes her course there. I was worried about Beau and money, but it seems I’m not the only one who’s been saving up. We both have enough to buy tickets and will be able to afford an apartment together.

It used to be mine and Nicks dream to go there one day, but now it’s ours. Mum and dad were pretty hard to convince at first, but we came to terms that as long as we skype the at least once a day and come back in one piece, their happy to let us go. It’s telling Jackson which isn’t going to be easy. I wish I could hope he’d understand, but I know him too much now. He won’t let me go without an ultimatum.

Journal entry – January 3rd
I’ve officially been dating Jackson 6 months today. At first it was great, he was romantic, polite, funny and good looking – I was blinded by his whole presence.
It began with the secrets and the insults, then after the whole Nick situation things went from bad to worse; arguments erupted pretty quickly, he found it too easy to insult me to the point of calling me a slut. He managed to come to the conclusion I somehow slept with Nick, but we all obviously know the truth in that.

 I didn’t think I’d last, but something happened every time he apologised. I just couldn’t leave him. I made my bed, I may as well just lie in it, I thought. Until one day I had enough, I thought I was ready to leave him. I got prescribed anti-depressants for my anxiety because it got to the point I kept throwing up the second he started to get angry or cause and argument. I was scared of him. At that point I got the courage to sit him down and give him his own ultimatum, or I was gone.
My dad sat me down and told me this; "Ava, listen to this. 'if you put a frog in boiling water, it will jump out. If you put a frog in warm water and gradually turn up the heat until the water is boiling, the frog will remain there until it dies.' Just remember that."  That will haunt me forever, because it made me realise what he was referring too. That is the definition of my relationship.

Then something bad happened which changed my life forever.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

I’m sitting on the toilet in a drug store tapping my feet on the floor. My palms are sweating, my blood is pumping around 100mph, I’m actually shitting myself – well, not literally.
 A week after my 20th birthday I started to feel weird, I thought it was my tablets but it wasn’t. I have a constant headache to the point of not being able to look at any light or TV, I lost my appetite – and I mean I lost it. Nothing was edible to me. I even had irregular bleeding which was new, I just didn’t feel right.
 
I keep searching the internet for answers, which isn’t a good idea for anxiety and my hypochondria. I thought everything was up. Then I came across a forum which a woman posted a message for people to reply too. Her symptoms were just like mine! I sent her a message to see what she’d recommend, and after a few minutes she replied. “No…It can’t be!” I ring Beau and get her to meet me at the drug store.

 Which brings me back to my inpatient feet tapping on the floor. I pull my pants up and flush the toilet. “Right, I’m done Beau.” I unlock the door and walk out while Beau goes in. Just breathe, don’t panic.
5 minutes later she reappears with a face white as a ghost, my blood drains from my body. No! Please, God. No! She hands me back the pregnancy test which shows a pink plus sign.
“You’re pregnant Ava.” She says. My legs turn to jelly and I fall to the floor and cry.

This is the worst thing that could happen to me right now.