Hooked on love

Chapter 39

Chapter 39

I hear sirens and someone talking. Why can't I open my eyes? "I have a pulse! I have a female, pregnant woman unconscious from a fall. She needs to be seen too ASAP! She's lost a lot of blood." Blood? I fell? The baby! "It's all my fault, she lost her balance and fell." Jackson? He's crying. "Please, saver her." Everything is starting to go black again. No. Wait! I drift back off. "This is all my fault dad." Jackson? Where am I? My head hurts, Jesus. "Don't blame yourself, it was an accident." Daniel too? Why can't I wake up! I'm right here! "What if she doesn't wake up? I can't lose her too." What's he talking about? I'm fine! Why are they crying? Someone else enters the room. "Mr Morris? Time's up, we need to move fast." Who is that? What do they mean? "Oh god, I'm so sorry Ava." For what? "Do what you have to do doctor." Do what? God damn it, wake up! Move! I'm scared. Darkness is closing in again. Please, not again. Let me stay. I get pulled back under.

I can feel someone poking my arm. I open my eyes a see a little girl next to me, she must at least be 6 years old and looks just like my mum did when she was that age. "You'll be okay mummy." She says with a big grin on her face. God she's breath taking. I hold out my hand and she grabs it with her tiny hand. I don't know why I reached out to her, but I feel like I know her. Why am I so weak?  "Who are you?" my voice croaks as if I haven't drank anything in days. Why do I feel like I've known her for ages? "You know who I am, you chose my name a long time ago." A ball forms in my throat. "Lily?.." I whisper. She smiles and tightens her grip. Am I dead? I have so many this to say and ask. "You're not dead, don't worry. Lily will protect you." She jumps up and places a kiss on my cheek and smiles. "What do you mean?" What does she need to protect me from? She looks behind me and nods. "It'll be okay mummy, I have to go now." I look and there's no one there. "Where too? Don't go yet, you've just got here." I say. Tears are steaming down my cheeks. She strokes my face and hums a song that my mum used to sing to me. I know what she means. It's my job to protect her, but I've failed. I swallow and take a deep breath. "You go get them sweetheart." I force a smile and squeeze her hand one last time. "Be strong mummy, I love you." Before I could say anything back, she was gone.

I jolt awake, panting. I look to find myself in a small empty hospital room. I place my hand over my belly and feel nothing. No. I life the gown and see a bandage across my abdomen. What the? I start to tear at it, unravelling what's underneath until I reach skin. Tears start to fall as I lightly trace my hand over a rectangle gauze plastered horizontally under my belly button. My heart sinks. She's gone. My baby's really gone. I scream and start to thrash, ripping the needles out of my arm causing alarms to go off. A couple of seconds later, 3 nurses come in and start to restrain me. "Get off me!" 2 male nurses pin me down on to the bed so I can't move what so ever so I kick my legs as much as I can. I want to die, my baby is gone. How am I meant to live on knowing I killed my baby? 

"Miss Wood, you've just undergone a small procedure. I advise that you don't move about so much, otherwise you'll reopen your wound. If you continue to ignore my advice I'm going to have to put you back to sleep."

"I don't care about me! What happened to my baby?!" I scream. She looks at me and leans to the side. "Miss Wood I know this is hard but we need you to stay still so please calm down." How am I meant to stay calm? Is she for real? I keep resisting against the male nurses, she leans over and  presses a red button. I don't want to be here anymore.  "Where's my baby?!" I shout at her. She creases her brow as if she doesn't understand my question. "I'm sorry. We had no choice, you had internal bleeding and if we left your baby inside of you, you would have died." She says lowering her head. They've taken my baby. "Who gave you the right?!" "Mr Morris, we've ran out of time." "Do that you have to do doctor." He wouldn't?! "My Morris did, you would have died-" I cut her off. "You should have let me die with her!" I turn away from the nurses, and scream.  It doesn't begin to fill the void that's been left behind. I'm not going to be a mother. It hurts so much, I feel an ache deep down that won't go away. I feel numb, I wish I couldn't feel anymore. My little Lily..

The nurse walks over filling a needle with liquid. Good, make sure I don't want up again. I look over and see the nurses hands covered in blood. My blood. I'm starting to feel so pain from the marks that the needles have left behind. She sticks the needle in and I feel the liquid filling my veins. Jackson, the father of my child, gave her the right to take away my baby – our baby.

A couple of second pass and I feel my body pulling me under. After I went under, all I remember mumbling to the nurse "I'll never forgive him for this." That's a promise I will keep.