Paradise Lost [Tokyo Revengers]

Chapter 86

Chapter 86:

I was sitting in my hospital bed, waiting for the day I get discharged. Ryuuji hasn't been talking to me, he would just leave my clothes or food then leave. I can't blame him, I choose this path, and yet I keep looking back to wanting friends and feelings.

Ryuuji was sitting beside me, peeling an apple for me, but still, he wasn't talking to me. I decided to be one to make the first move. Ryuuji is important to me so I don't want to lose him either, he's the only one keeping me sane in this dark path I chose.

"I'm sorry," I told Ryuuji, "I was wrong, I just wanted to know if I'm doing the right thing,"

"Why not ask me?" He said as he handed me the plate of sliced apples,

"Because I know you'll say yes, you have to say yes because you chose to stick by me," I told him, "I know you have your regrets with this, and I've been feeling guilty about it ever since, I took you away from possible happiness because I can't live with Mikey,"

"Remember when we first met?" He started off, "My mother was dying and we were in severe debt, and your family was nice enough to help us out"

"Right, how is your mother?" I asked Ryuuji and I met because Mitsuya introduced him to me, Mitsuya knows that my parents' company would sometimes help out people who are in a pinch.

"After she got better and was cleared of her debt, she abandoned me and my 2 older sisters," He told me, my eyes grew wide, I was in shock. I didn't know about it and he never told me about it, "My two sisters went and have their own families now, I was left alone, You, Mitsuya, and Toman was all I had,"

"Mitsuya knew about this?" I asked,

"I asked him to not tell you," He told me, "That's why I'd follow you no matter what and no matter where, I owe you a lot, even though I got abandoned I'm happy my family is living a good life now,"

"Ryuuji," I started off.

"I owe my life to you and your family, and I want to stay with you until you finish your goal, the future you told me is nice and all but I don't really care about it," He said, "I don't have plans for my future I'm just living for right now, and right now is helping you save Sano Manjiro,"

I couldn't help but tear up at his words, he's so loyal!

"I'm not mad you went to meet up Mikey or this Wakasa Imaushi," Ryuuji started off, "I'm upset that you didn't even fight back!"

"I didn't want to fight back because getting beating up by them is my punishment for all these months I've been deceiving and hurting people, for all the crimes I've done, I acknowledge I can't decide my own punishment, but I need the wakeup call," I told him,

"So what's your plan?" He asked,

"The plan stays the same, we wait," I told them, "Just continue to block out Kanto Manji Gang from the public eye, they can't rise without the spotlight"

"Roger!" He said, "Now you rest, you can get discharged tomorrow but you're still on bed rest"

...

I had a clear goal in mind, I wanted to save Mikey, but as time passes that goal seems to fade. Every emotion I felt seems to be gone, I've gotten so sucked into the darkness that I don't even know what I am here for.

Am I still doing this for Mikey?

Do I still love Mikey?

Why did I ruin my life for this?

I miss my parents.

I miss my friends.

I miss Draken, Mitsuya, Takemichi, Chifuyu, and the rest.