You Don't Care About Us.

I Feel Like Shit.

Used tissue littered the floor. The waste basket was a mountain of them followed by plastic containers of ice cream. The room had a heavy vibe, Morrissey want helping either.

The couch was covered in blankets and a pillows were tossed along it. The lamp next to the couch was dimmed, low enough to barley see the outlines of items that were thrown around the room. Cassette tapes were scattered on the coffee table along with takeout boxes of Chinese and Italian food.

It was the only room in the apartment that was depressing. The only one Brian couldn't look at without wanting to clean. His fingers twitched at the sight of dirty clothes on the floor. He wanted to pick it up and wash them.

Emilia looked around, helplessly, until she found Brian's blue eyes. She started at him a little longer until she had to look away from his gaze. "After we went to prom, he said he had rented a room. Of course I knew what he meant, but that didn't stop me. I was a desperate freak with a sexual frustrated boyfriend at the time."

Trails of dried tears marked her face, Brian closed his eyes for a moment before the story continued. "It was my first time, you know, having sex. It hurt like hell, but gosh darnet he was gorgeous and worth it. I was happy, in pain, but happy. I walked home thinking 'Shit, I'm not a virgin freak!', but soon that happiness faded away when I got home."

He shook his head bringing her body closer to his. Her big shirt pulled down, showing her cleavage, so she shifted in her seat and pulled it up, almost to her neck. She blew her nose again and threw the paper away. "It was quiet, very quiet. Almost a peaceful quiet. It was nice at first, but then my parents arrived home and they knew. I don't know how, but they knew,"

She wiped away tears from her eyes. She sniffed and took a drink of her wine. "I should've prepared myself the days they were gone because I never expected my father to disown me and my mother to act the way she did. I... I just thought they would understand, Ya'know? I was growing up and finding myself and prom night was the night I found something new about myself."

Brian looked at the floor. Emilia snuggled closer to him for comfort. "My mom was hysterical, told me 'I never thought you'd turned out to be a queer. You know how much I hate those kind'.. I was speechless. I hated myself for being that way and for making my father leave the house for a few days, leaving my mother to hate me even more."

He sat slumped on the couch with his legs propped up on the coffee table. "I was a fucking queer and they knew it before I had a chance to tell them. I was disowned, jobless, homeless, and fucking 18. I went to the guys house, but was shut down. He acted like he didn't know me. Treated me like crap. Yet, he would leave letters and notes in my locker that said romantic things." Brian wiped away a tear, sighing.

"His parents threatened to call the cops if I don't leave them alone. So I did, I ignored them and I ignored him. I sent him all the letters he wrote back and I sent him one of my own telling him to fuck off. That I didn't love him... He came after school to the library, were I would spend most of my days at, and told me 'If you leave me, I'll kill myself. I'll take any drug that reminds me of you and I will end it. Just like you're doing.'"

She wrapped her arms around his middle, trying to comfort him. "I was writing a song and doing cocaine when I found out that the guy tried to commit suicide that same night. He repeatedly called me, but I turned off my phone. The police came looking for me and informed me. After that, I did go see him, that was it. I saw him through the window of the hospital room and left. I didn't want to be part of that. Of him, I mean."

"What happened after? With your parents and all?" She asked starring at the record player.

"Well, I was staying at a friends house. I think it was for almost a month actually, it wasn't a long stay. My last day there was when I received a phone call. It was my mother. She felt bad for the way they treated me and told me the news about the guy signing himself into rehab for as long as he could. That's when I wrote My Sweet Price. It was to much for me."

The explanations behind his work seemed clearer. She had listened to Placebo's record and became curious on what the song was about. Now, after gaining the new information, Emilia regretted asking him for the meaning.

It was the first time she seen Brian so broken and blue. She could feel how heavy the room got with the tension of his words. She hugged him closer and tighter, wanting to soothe him. But it seemed as if nothing would work to brighten his eyes.

She felt useless. All she could do was cry with him and listen as he went on. She couldn't make him crack a smile and that irked her.

"Now, that I'm in a band, my father and I don't get along. We only talk after three beers in on Christmas. My mother and I well, it's kind of a forced relationship. She wants grandchildren and I don't want children. At least that's how I feel now. She doesn't understand that I'm not gay. I'm bisexual. She never talked to me about it. When her friends ask about me she lies. I'm still young to have a stinking brat." He bitterly said.

Emilia looked up at him, "Maybe you haven't found the right person-"

"GOD IT'S NOT ABOUT THAT!" He frustratingly exclaimed making her body jump in surprise, "Is not about finding the prefect person. I'm just not in that point in my life were I want to settle down." He softly said after realizing he scared her.

He looked at her- not removing his eyes from hers. "My life has just started and I'm not ready to let it go."

She sat up and stretched her neck. Placing her cold lips onto his forehead, she earned a faint smile, showing the growing creases by his eyes.

"Then don't."