Unloved - Let us rewrite the stars ||englisch||

✨ T W E N T Y T H R E E✨

Suddenly a ringing jolted me out of a sound sleep. Grumbling, I groped for it on my bedside table, but couldn't really stretch because Lando was still holding me. While I still didn't know what exactly to make of it now, for the moment, my mother's call was more important right now. "Yeah?" "Champ," came from her in a panic. Champ. My mother was scaring me. "Mum, what's wrong with him?", I tried to remain calm, but realised that my temper would be lost at the next words at the latest. "An accident," she sobbed desperately. "What kind of mum?", I cried, waking Lando as I jumped out of bed and already started to somehow stuff my things into the suitcase. But she said nothing. Just kept sobbing into the phone. "Damn it mum! Tell me what's going on!", I shouted, tussling my hair, feeling someone hugging me from behind. "He's had a fall." "How bad is it, Mum?" She sniffled and promptly it hit me. "I'm coming." I quickly hung up and disappeared into the bathroom, but came running back into the room straight after, rummaging out my clothes, but then the walk to the bathroom was too long for me, so I just slipped into my sweatpants so quickly and rushed to Cara completely through the wind. I told her briefly what had happened, gave her my key card - she would take my things home later - for now I would travel without luggage. "Call me when you know more," she only asked me and of course I promised her. In my room I clutched my mobile phone again and thank God Lando had understood me, because he had actually been able to book me another flight. He was in his room, where I was supposed to say goodbye to him. But I noticed that I was still wearing my sleeping shirt, so I took it off and grabbed one from Lando. It was just lying on his bed, which suggested that he was about to put it on. He just acknowledged it with a smile and then hugged me goodbye again. In all this hustle and bustle, I had forgotten my confusion about my feelings and everything else that was going on with Lando and my life right now. Champ came first and all that mattered right now was that I got to him in time.

°°°

Hours later, the taxi finally stopped at my parents' farm. I paid him quickly and ran into the stable. I could hear my mother crying from a distance. I assumed that my horse was in his stall by now, but only my mum was sitting there. Mum was also attached to the horse. Like everyone here. I crouched down and hugged her. "It's my fault," she sobbed again, holding his halter in her hands. "Where is he?", I asked quietly, but knew he couldn't be here anymore. It had taken me too long for that. "Is there any way I can say goodbye?" My mother nodded. "He's out in the pasture. The doctor wanted to put him to sleep as soon as you got here. I can't be there." "I know, Mum. I know." I left my mother alone and went to his pasture. "Did your mum tell you what happened?" my father inquired. With tears in my eyes, I shook my head, unable to take my eyes off my horse lying there in the grass in front of me, under his favourite tree. "How did you get him here?" "Go to him." I sobbed out, feeling a lump forming in my throat, and walked quietly towards him. "Hello Ludwig," I greeted my parents' long-time friend and vet and sat down on the grass next to Champ. The stallion growled softly, whereupon I began to scratch his forehead. "You know how this goes. I'll be gone in a minute and you can stay as long as you like." I nodded, having known the procedure for many years. "I'm sorry." I just nodded at him again and lay backwards on the grass. Again Champ grumbled and rested his heavy head on my stomach. "Just do Ludwig. I'll know." "I know Hailey. You always did." I tried to stifle the tears, couldn't manage it. Hot ones ran from the corners of my eyes as I felt the pressure on my stomach, running my hand over his face as I lingered on his chest with my other hand.

Long after Ludwig had gone, I was still lying here, listening to the breath of the horse I had loved so dearly. Every now and then I recounted the most beautiful memories and did not stop even when his breathing stopped, his nostrils widened for the last time and I finally heard the last beat of his heart. The heart that would never beat again and I always knew it beat for me, just as mine always beat for his and it would never be any different. And only when I stroked his nostrils and felt that they were already cold, my gaze averted from the sky again for hours, did I realise that it was now really over. The tears ran silently, I was unable to move, I didn't want to get up because I still had the hope of feeling his heartbeat again. And yet it did not come. I was shivering all over, but I didn't know if it was from the eerie pain I was feeling or from the cold. It was only when dawn broke, a light mist hung over the meadows and fresh dew lay untouched on the soft grass. My hair was damp, as were my clothes and Champ's now cold body. "I never wanted to let you go. I loved you... still love you. But I guess I really have to say goodbye now. My heart will forever beat only for you," I breathed in a harsh, choked voice and many more lines that made me cry again. Carefully I pushed my head away from my belly, as if I could wake it up again by moving too quickly. I stood up, heard it crack in my back, felt the pain in my body parts and especially in my heart, as well as soul. Before I left for good, I ran into the stable, grabbed a pair of scissors and his blanket, rushed back to Champ, cut off a long strand of his tail and put the blanket over him. I kissed him one last time between his cold nostrils and while my lips still rested on his skin, I whispered: "Rest in peace. Champ of Class. I will never forget you." With that, I left the horse on which I learned all I could. Which was my heart and soul, the reason I had never given up. My anchor, my resting place, my life saver. The love of my life. The horse with whom I celebrated my first victories and my last. As I walked with long strides back into the house, I felt another piece of my heart break with every metre I moved away from Champ. And not only that. But something inside me and a part of my life. My life, which I would like to throw away again.