The Moon Is Beautiful

Chapter 10

My pencil moves across the page.

My fingers are littered with blisters. The only thing I have been doing for the last week is drawing. After what happened on Monday, I locked myself in my apartment and have been drawing nonstop since.

Drawing has always been my escape from reality. I feel like I can sketch a story, a happy story and get lost in it. The only person I have seen since Monday is Eliza, and that's only because I promised that I wouldn't disappear from her again.

I didn't tell her what happened to me, and thankfully, she didn't insist. She trusts that I'll tell her everything once I'm ready. I will. I'm just not sure when that will be, and whether it'll be anytime soon. I doubt it.

I draw the last stroke on the page and lean back against the couch, staring down at the page. On the page is a girl, a young girl who looks exactly like me. Her hair falls back in the direction of the wind, her floral dress rising up into the air as she skips across the pathway, and cherry blossom petals litter the ground around her. She's smiling. She looks happy.

She looks the exact opposite of what I do right now. I feel exhausted, my limbs stiff from not moving from my current position on the couch in hours. I want to look like her. I want to feel like her.

She's so happy, and so innocent, and sp pure. I used to be like that. But I made a grave mistake, a mistake that left me tainted for good. I wish I can go back and not do what I did. I wish to return to being the person I once was.

Thinking like this is really self-deprecating and depressing. I really shouldn't think like this. Everything happens for a reason. I just have to remember that.

The doorbell ringing pulls me out of my thoughts and I'm forced to get up from my seat on the couch. I stretch my arms and legs out, my muscles completely stiff before walking to the door and pulling it open, revealing Eliza who holds a brown paper bag and coffee in her hands.

"I brought your favourite," she says and I smile, moving aside to let her in. I pull the door close behind her and walk to the kitchen island where she sets the things she brought down. She then takes out a white paper bag from the brown bag and hands it to me, setting a styrofoam cup in front of me. "It's two cinnamon doughnuts and a pumpkin spice latte. I know that you probably haven't eaten all day."

She knows me so well. I smile at her thankfully, taking a sip of the latte. It's still warm, the liquid burning the back of my throat slightly as I swallow, just the way I like it.

"What did you draw today?" she asks and I point to the page lying on the couch. She takes it into her hands, staring intently at it. "It's you."

"The old me." I say, opening the white paper bag.

"What do you mean the old you? You are still the same. Yes, you have your down moments, but this is still you." she says, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion at my words.

"Am I really still the same?" I question.

She nods. "Yes you are. You have changed since a few years ago, but that's only because you have matured. That's all."

"I don't feel like that right now though." I admit, staring down at the wood of the kitchen island.

She walks over to me, grabbing my hand. "Don't worry. We'll work on it."

My gaze finds hers, my eyes vulnerable. She smiles softly, squeezing my hand.

I'm so glad to have her as my friend.

*****

I stare up at the university before me.

I stand at the university gates, my hands clenched into fists at my sides. It's already a new week and I've decided to return to school. After spending an entire week locked inside my apartment all alone, I have decided thats its time to come out from my safe haven and face reality again.

I know that I will probably see Raine today as we attend the same university, and although I'm not fully ready for that yet, I just have to deal with it. I can't just put my entire life and everything else important to me on hold because of a man, a man that I've only met thrice in my entire life.

It's not worth it.

Taking a deep breath, I walk through the gates and into the university.

"Rose!" I hear a familiar voice call out and I smile when I see Eliza standing a few meters away from me, waving her arm at me. I run over to her, falling into her arms. We greet one another with a hug and then I hook my arm around hers and we make our way to our first class of the day.

The moment we enter the lecture hall and we see Professor Lively standing at the front, Eliza starts swooning, her grip on my arm tightening in excitement. I shake my head at her and she pulls me to a seat in the middle row of seats, saying that it's the seat where he will be able to see us the best and vice versa.

We take our seats and I zip open my bag, pulling a notebook and pen out of it.

"He looks even more manly today, don't you think?" she says, resting her chin on her hands. I roll my eyes at her. Typical Eliza.

"Hey guys." I look up to find Flynn sitting in the seat next to me, smiling innocently at me.

"Hi." I greet.

"What's with her?" he questions, gesturing to Eliza.

"She's swooning." I say, waving my hand in the air. His lips form an 'ah' shape in understanding. He then looks to Professor Lively, and then back at Eliza.

"Makes sense," he says, nodding to himself. "I almost forgot about her crush on him."

I stare incredulously at him. How can he forget it, when she spends most of her time gushing and speaking about him? He's lucky. I wish I can forget. When people tell me things, I tend to imagine it in my head, and the more Eliza speaks about Professor Lively, the more I imagine the two of them in quite compromising situations together.

The mere thought makes me shudder. If only I could get rid of that image in my head.

Shaking off my thoughts, I pay attention to Professor Lively who has started his lesson. The lesson goes by smoothly and quickly, the only distraction I had being the need to constantly wipe the drool off Eliza’s chin with a tissue.

"He's so handsome, don't you think?" she says with dreamy eyes as we exit the lecture hall. I nod, just for her satisfaction. Although, it is true. He is truly handsome, not my type, but still handsome nonetheless.

"Hi friend." Flynn suddenly greets, and I turn around to see who it is he's talking to. My eyes widen when I see that it's Raine, the person I knew I would inevitably see, but wished that I wouldn't.

I stare at him and Flynn with wide eyes as they do a manly handshake, confused. Since when were they so close? Didn't they just meet last week, or have they been hanging out and getting to know one another during the last week I have spent locked up in my cave?

It may be selfish of me, but I wish that Raine wouldn't get close with my friends, because that means that I have to see him often and spend time with him which I don't want. I want to see and spend as little time with him as possible.

And then his eyes meet mine. He smiles.

"Hi Belle."