The Moon Is Beautiful

Chapter 33

She's beautiful.

I don't have to be able to see her to know that. Perhaps it's her aura, or merely her gentle voice that pulls me in, but I'm a goner. I became a goner the moment she spoke to me for the first time.

Being blind has made me more attentive to other things, using my other senses to the maximum, and I distinctively remember the emotion in her voice the first time we met. She sounded breathless, and the thought that I could have been the cause of that made my heart flutter.

I didn't know who she was at that time. I didn't know that she's my first love.

My first love.

I remember her as a graceful, yet brave girl with the greenest eyes I had ever seen. She was pretty, and I could see that even at my young age.

I thought that I would never meet her again. I feared that I would never be able to make things right. But I guess the universe must want me to make things right.

Honestly, I have to admit, it's thanks to Sin that I now know who she is. I have a love hate relationship with Sin, the other part of me. I didn't ask for him to become a part of me. He didn't choose to be created.

But both things happened. And now we are stuck with one another for the rest of our life on this planet. People often ask me how I feel about having a split personality, and I have no answer.

Even if I tried to explain to them, they wouldn't understand. When Sin appeared for the first time, I was scared, scared of what it might mean, scared of my future.

But I guess I have a lot to thank him for. Thanks to him, I don't have to deal with difficult situations. Whenever I am in trouble and cannot deal with it, he takes over and deals with it for me. He has helped me more times than anyone truly knows.

He may seem brazen and a little hard to deal with, but if I'm being truthful right now, I'm grateful for him. Because no matter what, he always looks out for me. And I try to do the same for him.

And he has given me the biggest gift ever. He made me realise who Rosie is, and how much she truly means to me.

Although, I have to admit, I feel overwhelmed.

All this sudden emotions makes me anxious. I haven't felt this way in years, not since my parents died.

I'm afraid of what I feel. These feelings I feel, they're so strong that I can barely contain them. And when I'm around Rosie, all I want to do is wrap my arms around her and embrace her, never letting go.

But she doesn't feel the same way. Raine...that person, she has feelings for that person. And I have no idea what to do about it. It may sound selfish of me, but now that I've finally found her, I don't want her to look at any man but me. I don't want there to be any other man but me in her heart.

I hate feeling this way. I don't want to think in this way. She's free to do whatever she wants, and to feel whatever she wants to feel, and that's why I feel so helpless around her.

I don't know how to express my affections for her. I think that my inability to do that has to do with my own insecurity. Ever since I've become blind, I feel insecure. I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone. I feel like no one should choose me over another because the other is most probably not blind and has so much more to offer than I do.

The same is happening with Rosie, and it's stopping me from being completely honest with her. I don't want to force my affections onto her, and so I hesitate.

And she has someone else in her heart, making things even harder for me. I remember her telling Sin everything about Raine when she was drunk. She sounded confused about how she truly feels, but there's one thing that is for certain. She feels something for him, whether it's love or merely an attraction of lust.

I'm not particularly happy with this, but I can still deal with it. Sin, however, cannot. Whenever I am in control, I can hear him at the back of my mind. He's grumbling about how Rosie belongs to us and how he won't let another man touch her after she already spent that one fateful night with another.

He's like a caveman, and even though I'm not quite fond of it, there's nothing I can do about it. It kind of reminds me of the typical male protagonist in a werewolf romance novel, always being so possessing and claiming.

What do you think we can do to make her notice us?

"I'm not sure. I don't even know if there is anything we can do." I say with a shrug, leaning back against my headboard. Others might find it strange, but I communicate with Sin quite often. We talk about various things and he always has complaints about how he's not in control enough.

And I know why he does that. It's because I can't remember the last time he took control, and I'm not sure why. In the past, he was more in control than I was, but recently, he hasn't made his appearance at all, until a few days ago, when I was hanging out with Rosie.

And then again, when she saved me from getting hit by a truck. I'm starting to find that suspicious, because when she's not around, it's always me in control, but when she's around, he comes out.

Could his sudden convenient appearance be because of her? It sounds plausible, but I can't seem to come up with a reason why.

Its because of my feelings for her.

His words break through my thought process, capturing my attention.

Thats just what I think.

"It sounds plausible. But we need to do some experimenting." I say.

What kind of experimenting?

"Everytime you took over, we were close." I note.

So, you're saying we should create another situation like that and see if I come into control?

"Yes."

Sure. Let's do that.

Now I just have to find a way to meet her. Now that her friends are here, I have a feeling it's going to be hard to meet with her, and it's not like I have her number either.

Maybe I should ask Ms. Anderson.

And then as if it's fate, my home doorbell rings.

Could that possibly be her?