One

4.5K 82 53
                                    

*The gang's thoughts on stabbing*
Y/N: Would never stab anyone.
Ren: Would stab someone in retaliation.
Kavin: Yells "I won't hesitate, b*tch!" first.
Thyme: Would stab without warning.
MJ: Would stab as a warning.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Kavin: You deserve a reward for putting up with me.
Kaning: You are my reward.
*meanwhile*
Thyme: You deserve a reward for putting up with me.
Y/N: True, you can be really difficult at times.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Thyme: Die.
Y/N: Please don't die!
Thyme: DIE!
Y/N: PLEASE DON'T DIE!
Ren, confused: Why are they yelling at a plant?
Kavin, watching while eating popcorn: They bought it together and Y/N wants Thyme to accept it as their kid.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

MJ: I'm gonna die alone.
Ren: MJ, you're not gonna die alone.
MJ: Kavin, was my safety net, okay? He got married and now I have to get a snake.
Mira: Uh-huh. Why is that?
MJ: If I'm gonna be an old lonely person, I'm gonna need a thing, you know? A hook. Like that guy in the subway who eats his own face.
MJ: So I figured I'll be "Crazy Man With A Snake", you know? Crazy snake man.
MJ: Then I'll get more snakes, call them my babies. Kids won't walk past my place, they will run! RUN AWAY FROM CRAZY SNAKE MAN!

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Y/N: I swear to god I'm the only one here with a braincell.
Ren, MJ, Thyme, and Kavin: ALL HAIL the keeper of the sacred braincell!

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Y/N: F*ck capitalism. It's a rigged system that keeps us poor and it isn't fair. You shouldn't need to work three jobs to afford basic necessities.
Y/N, playing Monopoly: Sorry, if you wanted to win you should have tried not being poor.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Y/N: You're a lying piece of sht!
Thyme: Oh yeah? You're the idiot that thinks you can get away with everything you do, WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!
Y/N: I'm leaving and I'm taking the boys with me!
Ren, gathering cards: Aaaaand that's enough Monopoly for today.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Y/N: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning.
Kavin: This is a lie.
Kavin: I'm literally dating them. This is a lie.
Kavin: THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Thyme: I want to kiss you.
Y/N, not paying attention: What?
Thyme: I said if you die, I wont miss you

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

*MJ drunkenly wanders around the house and Kavin is drunkenly giggling*
Thyme, completely sober: *sighs* Well, looks like it's just me and you against the world, Ren.
Ren, going to his room: Nope, just you. *shuts door*

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Y/N: I'm so happy two of my favorite people are getting along now.
Ren: Uh, Thyme and Gorya are not getting along.
Y/N: They're not trying to kill each other.
Ren: You may have a point.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Kavin: I never said I was gonna get back together with them. But I was thinking, they're in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave them a call?
MJ: No. No, Kavin, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. Number one: a super volcano. Number two: an asteroid hits the Earth. Number three: All the Evel Knievel movies are lost. Number four: Kavin calls his ex. Number five: Y/N gets eaten by a shark.
Y/N: I'm Y/N, and I approve the order of that list.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Thyme: Time for plan G.
MJ: Don’t you mean plan B?
Thyme: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.
Ren: What about plan D?
Thyme: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.
Kavin: What about plan E?
Thyme: I’m hoping not to use it. Y/N dies in plan E.
Y/N: I like plan E.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

MJ: How do you connect with a fictional character?
Thyme: What?
Kavin: What?
Ren: What?
Y/N: *pulls up a 500 slide presentation* I'm glad you asked.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Ren: Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle, and explode into bats to get out of all social situations.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Thyme: I’m in love with you.
Y/N: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, dork.
Thyme: I know.
Y/N: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool-

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Y/N: Am I a boy? Am I a girl? It doesn't matter. I'm going to burn your house down.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

*MJ and Kavin are doing something absurdly dangerous*
MJ: I think Houdini did something like this once! Why, if I recall correctly, he was out of the hospital in no time!
Kavin, deadpan: Well that's encouraging.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Y/N, trying to cheer the group up: Things could be worse, you know!
Ren: How?
Y/N: How what?
Ren: How could they be worse?
Y/N: They couldn’t, I lied.
Ren:

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Y/N: In my defense, I was left unsupervised.
Gorya: Wasn't Kaning with you?
Kaning: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Kavin: Y/N! I can't do this stupid math!
Y/N: What’s the math problem?
Kavin: Well, we have to add the bed, subtract the clothes divide the legs, and hope we don’t multiply.
MJ, covering Ren's ears, while Y/N smacks Kavin upside the head: Not going to lie that was hella smooth.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Thyme: Y/N is playing hard to get.
Thyme: Little do they know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

Thyme: What the fck do you say after you kiss someone?
Kavin: Don't forget to like and subscribe.

*̊˙˚˙⑅*❀❀*⑅。・:*。・:*

MJ, posting on social media: I am drunk on my front porch and I think a lizard went into my shirt but whatever man, have fun in there.
MJ, the next morning: When did I post this?!

Incorrect F4 Quotes Where stories live. Discover now