Home is You

Chapter 9

Liam

"Liam, good to see you even under the circumstances," Dr. Roberts says' sitting down at his desk.

I feel anxious and nervous as I watch Dr. Roberts' open some files on his desk. I try to peer over at them to read them, but it's useless. I've been stressing about today since I made the appointment last week to see him. Today is going to be a game changer, all will be revealed today.

"Thank you for squeezing me in this week," I thank him as I fiddle with my hands in nervousness. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders and a hundred different things have gone through my mind since I finished the last test that Dr. Roberts ordered last week. I have felt like a guinea pig the last couple weeks as I've gotten poked and prodded. I don't know if I'm ready to face whatever it is he's concluded. I've tried the past few weeks as I've gotten these tests done to not think about the what ifs, but with each new test, and the closer we've become to figuring anything out, the more worrisome I become.

"Not a problem," Dr. Roberts replies with what seems like a forced smile. "Are we waiting for Steffy? Will she be joining us?"

"No, she had to work. She had a meeting that she couldn't get out of," I lie. Steffy would be here no questions asked if I told her what today was. Steffy's been amazing, encouraging, supportive and devoted through this and through every test and doctor that I have gotten or seen since first seeing Dr. Roberts. She's held my hand and loved me. I couldn't have gotten through this without her. I am grateful that I had her the past few weeks. I hope that I can go home to her later and tell her good news. Hopefully, we can have a private celebration for the good news. Hopefully, I can give back to her everything she's given to me the past few weeks. I inwardly smile at my excitement for the potential later. I try to not plaster my huge smile all over my face, but I fail miserably at it.

"Does she want to call in?" Dr. Roberts pesters, running his fingers along the pen in his hand.

"It's okay, I'll just fill her in when I go home."

"If you are sure."

"I'm sure," I exhale in nervousness.

"Okay. I've reviewed all the testing that you've gotten, and most of it came back okay...."

"But?"

Dr. Roberts doesn't answer me, but instead stands up and pulls out a scan from the file folder and brings it up to the lighten board for review. I haven't a clue what I am looking at, other than I know it's an MRI scan of my brain.

"This is an MRI scan of your brain. This picture here is an image of cerebrum, the most anterior part of your brain, it's located in the front," he says looking over at me to see if I am following him. "You see these darks spots scattered around?"

"Yes," I gulp in nervousness, licking my dry lips.

"These are brain lesions. Brain lesions are tissue damage in the brain. Tissue damage can happen in one spot or in multiple spots on the brain. Your lesions are located throughout your brain," he says pointing at the scan.

"I guess I can assume that a normal scan doesn't look like that?"

"No, all these gaps and holes would be closed if it was normal." Dr. Roberts takes the scan down and replaces it with another MRI scan of what looks like my spine. "This picture is of your spine. See here? You have the same spots here," he points touching the scan. Obviously, it's the same thing with the brain. There shouldn't be these spots. It's damaged tissue."