Home is You

Chapter 15

Steffy:

I involuntary let the note fall from my hands onto the floor. I don't know what to even think or if I truly read what I just read. It is impossible. This has to be a joke. He wouldn't do something like this. This is not like him at all. I argue with myself for a moment whether he wrote this or not. My heart sinks and I feel tightness in my chest. I feel sick, as I can't even compose the words. I've never felt so much anguish in one second. How can this be? I can't believe this.

I run my hands through my hair, trying to hold back my tears. I feel them trying to force their way through. I bend down to pick up the letter praying that I read it wrong, praying that this is just a horrible nightmare. I bite my bottom lip as I turn over the letter again to read. My heart is pounding in nervousness. I am so scared to read the words. I am scared that there is truth to this. I can't even grasp this as a possibility that he'd do this. I close my eyes once more to try and slow down my heart's pace before opening them and looking down to finally read the letter once more.

I read the letter he left me word by word; taking each word in slowly, while trying to make sense of this all. I read the letter over and over as if I'm trying to force myself to see something else other than what is on the page. With each word I read, a tear begins to fall. Within seconds the letter's words are blurred from the tear stained paper. This doesn't make any sense at all. This isn't like Liam at all. Worse more is that he left me with the task of telling the kids. I don't understand what could be that bad that he feels he needs to leave me, for good. After all we've been through the last 20 years together, I cannot accept this. Liam would never do this to the kids, to me.

I wipe my tears that are now uncontrollably falling to the point that I can't even see. I don't know how he could do this to me. I hold Liam's letter close to my chest, squeezing it for comfort. "Liam...Liam....Liam," I cry. "You—you can't....how—how...." I trail off. "I need you. I need you," I cry as I fall to my knees taking the paper with me becoming more hysterical as the minutes pass.

I still feel my heart trembling, and the uneasiness of my breath. I try to control my shaky breathing with no success. It hurts to think and breathe. I try to stand, but feel unsteady on my feet as if I'm going to fall over. My chest tightens again and my world is spinning and I can't stop it. I am in a trance, an alternate universe.How is this happening to me? How can Liam abandon us like this? I can't accept this. This can't be the end for us. We have too much life together to live.

After what seems like timeless minutes, I find the ability to at least sit up on the floor. I feel weak, and broken by this. I reach my hand up over the nightstand, still reeling. and reach for my phone that I threw down when I initially came into the bedroom. I immediately dial Liam's number from heart, hoping and praying that he answers. I just need to hear his voice. I just need to speak with him, tell him I love him, that I need him, that I will take him anyway I can have him, that he doesn't have to do this. If I could just do that, then I know that I will be able to convince Liam to come home and, that we can work through this.

I sigh as another tears falls from my face. What have I done to him to scare him off? What have I said to make him lose faith in me, faith in us? I sniff, as I hear his phone ring once, before I get the automated recording, "this number is not in service." I don't believe that I am hearing that recording. I press the end button quickly before dialing the number again. I had to have misdialed. I punch the numbers displayed on my screen fiercely. I bite my bottom lip in anticipation, my heart beating as if it's about to come out of my chest. I hope I punched the numbers wrong. There is a one ring, before once again; I'm hearing the message again "this number is not in service."