Home is You

Chapter 26

Steffy

I am in my office at Forrester and I am finding it extremely difficult to concentrate. I have so much swirling around in my head as well as so much going on today. I have the new swimsuit line debuting today at the fashion show. We already have many pieces that are going to be revealed on the runway as well as several different prototypes in the making. It's projected to be a huge success.

This line is my new baby. I've been working on it diligently for the past six months or so. I take great comfort in it, as it was a great distraction from Liam leaving, and trying to raise four kids on my own. Liam, not being here is still like a knife in my heart that continues to twist back and forth, but this line, truly helped me to let go of some of the pain, and enjoy somewhat living again. I will never be whole again, but I can try to fill the void, by doing what I most love to do.

I am also nervous because this is Kelly's first time modeling in one of the shows. She's been begging for almost two years now to begin modeling, but Liam and I didn't think she was ready for it. After much pestering from her when I began the line, against my better judgement I relented and told her she could model, more so after one of the other models had to back out of the show. I quickly wonder to myself if Liam was here would I still have said yes to her. I don't think he would've allowed her to do I, not yet at least. I shove the thought to the back of my mind, because the fact is that he's not here. I've had to make a lot of tough decisions this last year or so without him.

I think I just said yes to get Kelly to stop pestering me about it. Now, that it's actually here, I am regretting saying yes. In retrospect, I don't know if her first model debut should be a swimsuit line, but at this point there is no pulling her out of it now. I know that over the course of the next few hours I will be wringing my hands in nervousness and going back and forth with myself wondering if I did the right thing.

I sit down at my desk, flipping through piles of papers before noting the time. I have to find a way to make a quick exit for a little while in order to make it to Taylor and Jamie's parent teacher conference.

Worse than anything else, today is Liam's anniversary and mine.It's the anniversary of when we first said I do, and pledged our lives to one another. Even though, it's not our technical wedding anniversary for our most recent wedding, Liam had never let today go unnoticed. I still am half expecting a bunch of vases filled with roses to appear in my office from him. He always sent me roses on this day to celebrate. He would send me one vase for each year that we would have been married on the date.

Last year was tough not getting the roses from him. It was so soon after he left, that I couldn't even get out of bed. I cried all day, and had to have Amelia come take care of the kids because I couldn't function. That was a horrible day, one of the worst that I've experienced since he's left.

I had my deep cry today, alone in my bedroom, after the kids went to school, to let it out and hopefully be able to keep my tears enough at bay to get through the show later. I am the showstopper model, I need to be at my best, or at least pretend that I am.

"Steffy, you need to take a look— " I hear my dad say as I look up from my desk.

"Steffy, what's wrong?" my dad asks closing the folder. "You look off. What is going on in that head of yours?"

"It's nothing, dad," I lie. I stopped confiding in my dad and those close around to me about my feelings about Liam and how I am dealing with it. To my dad, I may not have moved on, but I am stable enough that I can function and smile again and be present with people, not stuck in the moment that Liam left me. My dad has no idea that even over a year later I am still stuck in that moment.