Home is You

Chapter 12

Steffy:

I stretch in bed, as my eyes open, realizing immediately that Liam isn't in the bed with me. I am not thinking much of it, as he's normally up before me. However, as I begin getting dressed, the events of last night float through my mind. I am not sure what last night was about. Liam has never in all the years, not responded to my touch. He's usually raring to go before we even begin. Just as I know, how responsive always I am to him. Something was off, and I can't help but wonder what I did, didn't do or what was different.

I tie my robe around me, before walking out into the living room. Being that it is so early, I am expecting that Liam has made coffee and is probably on the couch drinking it, while reading his emails from last night.

It is quiet when I enter the living, Liam nowhere in sight. I can tell just from the atmosphere that the kids aren't even up yet. I smell fresh coffee, as I look in the direction of the pot realizing the on button is still lite, so the coffee stays warm.

I peer over to the sliding glass doors, wondering if Liam went on a run, or is sitting outside on the patio drinking the coffee. I take the clean cup that I know Liam left out for me, and fill it up, before going to the fridge to get the creamer.

I slide open the door before peering around. Liam is nowhere in sight and his phone isn't on the small table outside the door where he normally leaves it when he runs. I become worried for a moment wondering where he could be so early, and without letting me know. I walk back inside, putting my coffee mug down on the table before see a piece of paper with Liam's hand writing scribbled on it.

I pick my reading glasses up off the table to put on, before picking up Liam's note that he left.

Steffy,

I couldn't sleep and I didn't want to wake you, or the kids. Since I had an early meeting at Spencer today, I left for the office earlier than normal. I will be home later this evening for dinner.

Liam

I scrunch my eyebrows at his cool toned letter. Liam has never been so cool toned with me. He didn't even say I love you, or write some of his loving banter that he usually writes when he leaves me a note. Something is off again with him, I feel it. I hope he's not annoyed with me at the fact I couldn't get him off last night. It's never been like that, and I hope I didn't disappoint him. I am disappointed in myself over last night. Am I losing my touch? Am I playing too many old games in the bedroom? Maybe I need to find something more to change it up a bit, instead of the same old routine. I always thought both of us were adventurous in bed, but maybe he needs even more now.

I want him to be satisfied. I want to be the one who satisfies him. I'm at his mercy for whatever he needs, whatever he needs me to me and whenever. I am completely submissive, I thought he knew that. There is nothing that I would say no to if he asked. I thought he knew that he can tell me whatever it is that he needs, especially in the bedroom.

It hurts that I wasn't able to be what he needed last night. I feel helpless. I want to help him, be what he needs. I can't just leave this alone, for my own sanity. I need to talk to him about this. What is he feeling? What is going through his mind? We need to sort this out. I know him better than anyone and he has to know that he can't hide from me the things that are on his mind. I've told him that I would never, that I could never leave him. He is a part of me. Whether we are physically together or not, it doesn't change how deeply we are ingrained in each other. No matter what, there is nothing that could erase, or destroy the connection that we share.