Blob and a Curse [discontinued]

10

*George's pov*

((play freaks by Surf Curse))

Don't kill me just help me run away

From everyone I need a place to stay

Where I can cover up my face

Don't cry, I am just a freak

I am just a freak,

I am just a freak,

I am just a freak,

My head is filled with parasites

Black holes cover up my eyes

I dream of you almost every night

Hopefully I won't wake up this time

I won't wake up this time,

I won't wake up this time,

I won't wake up this time...

I hit publish. I slumped in my chair and looked at the ceiling. All emotions that had been trapped in my chest over the past few days now layer out of anyone to listen. Definitely one of my shorter songs, I just couldn't focus until I wrote this down and put music to it.

Only a few days and I feel empty again. That dream paradise that I loved is gone, it came as quickly as it went. I do dream of him, but it feels different, like an actual dream. I can't feel him anymore, the comforting embrace has gone.

Why would I do this to myself? Why did I create such a vivid dreamland with such a comforting calm person, to let myself adore that comfort, to become willing to leave this world for that one, to just rip it away from me, and replace it with a crapper replacement.

Maybe it was the willingness of leaving that scared my brain to created a shitter version of everything, a shitter version of him. Why couldn't I keep his protective arms? His never ending green eyes? His delegate freckles that were sprinkled across the bridge of his nose.

I haven't changed my mind though, I yearn for that place, to live there but I can't... I'm here in this reality, that I now feel even more detached from. I haven't even had time to process that my song 'Stay' has reached over a thousand listens, I have noticed but it just doesn't feel real, nothing does.

Only a week since my birthday and my life feel like it has changed. A week, is that seriously what my life has come to? I have gone through way worse. Is it every time something happens my grip on sanity becomes loosens?

At night I fall asleep cuddling the stupid blob and fall asleep thinking about dreamland boy (like I am doing now). Dream boy... I never got his name, did I? I can't remember. Either way I still feel the ghost of the arms around me when I hug the blob, so at least I have that I guess...

My mother did  text me the other day to make sure I was doing alright and gave the answer I always do 'I'm okay mum,' and leave it at that.

Tomorrow will be another day.

~~the next morning~~

Yet again I dreamed of Dream. Well, imposter Dream. Every time the fake one appears he become more distorted. I would prefer not to dream then to get a knock off version of him. It's just not right seeing him differently and feeling him differently. That sounds so wrong in my head but I understand what I mean. It just doesn't feel right.

The world I dream just becomes more distorted and so does my world. Nothing fits right. I just so bored of everything, and so tired trying to look at everything with rose tinted glasses, to try and ignore that stuff that bothers me but that just makes it worse...