Breaking Clarisse ***completed***

21. Bentley and Gizmo

I laid still, silent, the only sound was that of my own breathing and the tightening around my chest as it heaved a little off the table moving up and down. A faint beat of my heart every so often other than that silence. I had my thoughts to keep me company as I remained alone. Remembering how patient and how sensitive he used to be with me.. Ok maybe not sensitive but he was soft ok he was never soft or gentle. I suppose that was always what I craved about him. His aggressive ego was just too sexy. Hell who am I kidding he was what I made him up to be. Still he has been my world up to this point. It was a horrible feeling. Disappointing Elijah was like watching a puppy being put down. It was almost too tragic to watch.

When I was getting used to things he would be what I needed him to be. Play the part I wanted him to play. The thought that he no longer wanted me was terrifying. There was always a feeling of safety that came to being his and without it what else was there.

I was still recovering and yet Elijah hadn't been in to check on me once. Did he just not care that my soft smooth skin would possibly never be what it was? Lylianna had been in several times replacing the ice and giving soft words of comfort.

When I thought about what it might look like it sent a false replica of the event as if it had happened all over again. I imagined the faces of all that had to watch. Their disgust in me. I deserved what I got. I imagine the flesh peeling back away from the wound. This of course made me feel worse.

He still hasnt been in to see you has he? Lylianna again trying to comfort me.. I shook my head in response as I watched her take a place on the sofa next to me.

Tell me does it look as bad as it feels. I wailed. Of course her shying away was an answer.

Does it still hurt?

A little.

He's really upset with you. Its true that I havnt been around as long as you but Ive never seen him... so hurt. She finished with a sad look to the floor like maybe if she didn't look right at me then maybe she wouldn't show her true feelings.

I dont think Elijah gets angry. I added to make her feel better. Like I said before he doesn't work like that.

He's not even angry he's just distant. She shrugged her shoulders before glancing around the room. You know how he gets. She began to fiddle with the lining in her dress almost a dead giveaway that he'd been taking things out on her. He promised he wouldn't do that. The thought of him doing that and her suffering at my expense was enough to break me.

I did the worse thing possible I betrayed him. I admitted outloud. It was the first time I actually admitted I was the problem. It was easier than thinking that this was all because Elijah had grown bored of me and I didnt want to accept that.. There's no going back after that. I knew she knew it.. that was just how Elijah works.. Worse was the fact that I did this horrible thing with Jeremiah. His one true nemesis in this life. Maybe if it had been done by any others means then maybe he would have been able to forgive me.

Are you in love with him?

Jeremiah? I questioned. Of course Jeremiah he was the reason behind all of this. I think I am.

Oh...this is really bad. her eyes shifted toward her feet as she closed up as if she herself felt the sting of my betrayal. Ashamed of it.

Wow I was admitting to all sorts of things today. Being broken sure does put things in perspective.

I didnt mean for it. Jeremiah was unexpected. It shouldn't have happened. Maybe it was always going to..

Too bad a reset button couldn't be switched. Who's to say that if there had been a reset button that it would have ended differently.