"I can see the hurt in your eyes just open up please " I don't think I can or ever will I'm like a cracked wall I want to open to him but if I haven't open this up with my best friend I known for years should I trust him. I don't know what freakes me out the is that he said that he said " Its okay I'm here. Tell me what's going on and what's happening in your mind when you zone out" I never tell him what I think about but its sad what I think about . I will always look at my scares and think why didn't I go deep enough and not end it and forget about the pain I brought to myself. Or that I need help but I cant get it cause I'm freakout I will do it probably again. Cause sometimes at night I always have my blade out and look at it and make my finger bleed just a little cause I love the pain. I just don't know if I freak myself out to much that I don't feel right or is it because I know I'm better then that. But I think at least I know I freakout myself. And to my friend I might as well open up I mean he seen my cut . so yeah I guess I need to break or crack more of my wall I keep buliding up. For now I need sleep. Let's hope I get some.
