What goes on.

Lazy or love.

Am I just lazy or am I just in love? I think it's laziness but who knows for sure right. Oh well I just need to get over it. But right now it's 10:36 I have a killer headache and I'm talking to my friend that is 16  I'm about to kill him. ugh him he a stupid but funny. God do I wish I could hug him right now I haven't got to seen him over 3 years now but hey we at least keep in touch. Witch is good , he moved away from Indiana to live with his dad in Hawaii witch sucks  cause he so fucking far away. But anyways he still a great friend and brother.

So my dog is on my bed and being a fork but when isn't she. Umm I'm okay right now I almost had a mental break down but I got over it. I'm stable for now but I don't know anymore I mean after every one left I thought to myself is it not time for the end. But I knew it wasn't so when everyone was gone I made a video on YouTube about self-harm finally my mom came back and made it better. Oh I wonder why you didn't ask me last night why I had a candle burning well it's because I had this little fake candle light since my grandpa died from 2 years ago well every time I turn it on it reminds me of him cause I miss him so much. :'( that's probably when I got the most depressed was when he died and now it's sucks cause he can't see my kids grow up and he said he would be there what's worse is I still have the blue bear  and a red rose from him sitting in my room. That's probably why I cry is because it feels like I'm going to lose everything that I ever loved. The real fact is I closed the most important thing in my life. Sad right :'( . Why couldn't God take someone other then him . Why did God make him say the last word to me witch was the black key. Now your  wondering what the black key mean. Well it's a black key of course but the key goes to a house and this house is at my cousins farm no one cause another key only me. I open the house / barn it's has a bike that I have always asked for . thAt bike is still in that house with the same lock on it and I still only have the key what makes it weird is I ask for that bike when I was five and when I saw it I cried . right now I'm crying telling you about it  the fact is I never even touch the bike I didn't want to because he was there with it . I could feel him smelling from haven that I finally  got the most important thing I wanted from him. Oh man do I wish I had him right here in my arm right now of course I want him back. But I never will. I'm going to leave it as this so night.