Hey guys umm cleaned myself up oh haven't cut in weeks. Yaya oh yeah the photo above is who you should follow on YouTube. Their still a big part in my life even tho the probably hate me but still please go follow them and watch there new video I hope they will post some new ones and payton and Bri I hope your oky with me putting it on here. I'm just trying to help. umm Austin coming over today. I glade to hang out with him its 12:56 a.m right now feeling pretty alive. Umm let's see oh yeah I talk to payton yesterday and some others . And all I can say is I'm the person who pushes people away when times get ruff cause that's how I was rased . sad right lol but anyways I trying to make 2015 better cause I don't want it to turn bad also my birthday is next month and I'm taking some girls if they will become friends with again and we are going to get are nails done and go bowling fun right lol not bowling probably something less I just don't know yet. So saw you guys all see I'm pulling myself together well at least trying I mean I need to get some things straight. Like throwing all my baldes away witch I need someone less to do cause if I throw them away I probably will just get them back out.. Yeah stupid oh I'm going to a special place I don't know what's its called but I ask to get in it. It help people like me who cuts and things their a bad person and feels like they shouldn't eat yeah I'm going to start that class next month cause I really want my friends and family back. So I'm going to get them but straight myself for them . oh before I forget I want to thank you Payton for showing that I need to stop pushing people away when they are trying to help me. Im going to work on that for you guys. Today I think I may leave something on someone porch with a note saying please throw me away like you did the other one. I know who its going to be I just I hope she will do it for me. Let's see umm I probably shouldn't say this but I am. I'm going to move soon from where I live today and move to Ohio cause thats where my mom wants to go I'm not positive yet but I hope not. So yeah there you go. You know one thing is nice for sure is I don't feel alone and not happy with myself . I feel like everyone here for me and I love the way I look and sound . I think I'm really making progress. . Now if only one thing I could get is my best friend payton and bri back. Yep I truly miss them it was three days ago I was crying cause I was look at all the pictures we took over the summer and I truly beat myself up for losing them. I'm at person who never moves on . like my friend at died of cancer and the other on from a car crash . I haven't had a best friend since I met Payton she changed me . now I pushed her away and I was stupid now I'm trying to pull her in. It hurt me to lose her. My mom even saw it for once that I wasn't right and I done a stupid thing. Yeah it's sad when your abusive mom says that. All I have to really say is I fucked up. Big time and it probably will never be perfect again. So yeah I'm a fuck up. I should probably go cause I need to get in the shower so night or later what ever. ✌✌✌✌
