On the Petals of a Flower, I found something that does not belong to me

22

For those who feel trapped.

 Nie Mingjue, to my surprise, followed me. And not only did he follow me, he took me to a library and laid his huge butt next to me, to read to me titles from books that may have been related to me coming here. He had already learned from Xichen that I could not read or write.

 But after several torturous hours, we still had not found anything.

 I stretched out my arms and my gaze fell on the open door of the room, which looked out on nature. It was already dark.

 "It's not worth wasting our time here," I said. "Is there nothing else to do? Any other way? Looking around, for example?" I suggested.

 Nie Mingjue closed the book on the table. "Do you think that if we go around and walk around ike cursed corpses, without any particular goal in mind, it will bring us a result? We did not come here for a stroll," he raised his voice.

 I tried to calm myself down and tapped my fingers rhythmically on the table. "Does sitting here get us somewhere? We've been here for many hours and we haven't found anything! And in about a week I will present my thesis! Do you understand that?" I also raised my voice a little. Then I ran my hands through my hair. I was anxious. Yes. I was stressed again.

 "And say we do what you say," Mingjue pierced me with his gaze. "What exactly are we looking for? Holes? A place? What do we want? What are we looking for? How do we ask what exactly we want?"

 I sighed. "How will you ask? As Jin Guangyao did! He was asking around for various strange things that were happening. Can't we do that here too? Ask the people? Sitting here will bring us nowhere."

Slam!

 Nie Mingjue slammed his hand on the table. His eyebrows twitched and frowned. "Do you think I did not? There are no strange events happening here! And you say all the time Jin Guangyao and Jin Guangyao! If you want his company so much, go to him! It is not enough that we all offered to help you! Sect leader Jiang was right! You will only be a nuisance to us!"

 I got up and clenched my fists. Oh really? I would just be a nuisance huh?

 I could not keep my mouth shut. "Then why did you help me from the beginning? Why did you take me with you? Why didn't you leave me alone? Why did you sit down and listen to everything I told you and believed it? Why did you trust me? You took me from that place from the beginning! I kept telling you and I told you, to go back there to that house I first appeared in, lest I find any evidence and you tell me all the time 'later' and 'later'!"

 I looked at him with anger in my eyes. "And I say Jin Guangyao all the time, because he was the only one who gave me something to hold on to! I came into a world I did not know and he gave me a hope, in which yes, I am hanging from. I said I want to take small steps and find things, but I haven't gone one step further! I have remained stationary. I want to go home, what is wrong with that?!"

 My breathing was tingling and sharp. My face was deformed and my teeth were out.

 "You still can not go to that home or your home. You will come with us tomorrow, in our mission. We will find evidence maybe then," Nie Mingjue said with the stern voice he had used with his brother before.

Maybe.

Maybe.

 His words echoed in my ears and in my mind.

You still can not go to that home or your home.

You can not go to that home yet.

You can not go home yet.

Home.

 I felt my eyes burning and my vision blurring. I clenched my fists until they were almost white. My breathing was short. My hands were shaking. But my mind was steady.

 How couldn't I understand it before? Why was I so stupid? Find information? Help me? Who would want to help a stranger without anything on return or purpose? These behaviours did not exist in my time. And not in here either. No one was good enough to help someone they didn't know, in return. No one.

 They didn't want to help me go home. I had just realized this.

Ah. How blind and stupid I was.

 "Okay. Do whatever you want" I said and left the room with quick steps.

 I didn't have time to wait for them. Not since I was imprisoned and locked up, without already realizing it.

 They didn't want me to go back. I was trapped.

 I was trapped from the beginning.

 I raised my head and wiped away the tears of anger that had appeared.

 I would find a way to go back alone.

 And I would go back that home to where I first appeared, and where they so desperately wanted to stop me from going.

                                                                                            ***

 The next day, a woman woke me up, and when I was ready, she led me to an outdoor area with dense vegetation all around, where all the sect leaders were waiting, along with Wen Ning.

 Today I had made a decision.

 Today I would make my escape.

 "Good morning," I said. I saw Wen Ning's face light up a bit, but I ignored him. He was no different from the others. I hadn't forgotten that a whole hole had been dug in the body of that unfortunate man.

 "Good morning," Lan Xichen replied, smiling. I tried to hold back and not fangirling. It wasn't the time for this now.

 "Did you sleep well?" Nie Mingjue almost spat his words. It seemed more of a threat than a question.

 "I slept at least" I replied and fixed my 'bag' on my shoulder.

 Nie Mingjue looked at me with a disapproving look.

 "Take it," he said, and threw me a small bag.

 I caught it on time. Then I raised my head and looked at him. "What is this?"

 "For your stomach. They are medicinal herbs. Eat a little. It will help for the pain."

 My jaw dropped a little. Mingjue noticed this and scoffed. Then he turned to leave.

 I was left like a loser with the bag in my hand.

 Did it seem to me, or did it just give me herbs to eat for my period?

 Who? Nee Mingjue! Did he have a fever and didn't know it?

 "Will you finally move? Or do we have to break your legs to make the decision?"

 I left my trance and cast a look of disapproval at Jiang Cheng. "If you break my legs, you will carry me on your back. Do you prefer it?" I spoke.

 He cringed. "I'm just moving on," he said.

 I regretted it. My plan had already been implemented.

 I would treat them normally. And when they did not expect it, I would escape.