On the Petals of a Flower, I found something that does not belong to me

49

It is recommended but not necessary to listen to the music. The author suggests to listen to it while you read the chapter (if that is possible).

I didn't understand when night came, but I heard a commotion outside and realized that it had already begun.

 I went to the drawer and opened it. I took the package out and went and sat on the floor. I leaned my back against the cold wood and opened the package.

 Oh, Des. How long have you been waiting for this. For this damn, stupid cigarette.

 The cigarette inside was like it was laughing at me. It was alone and so was I. And it waited for it all to end and so did I.

 I took it out and threw the package on the floor. I was curious.

 I had never smoked and I didn't smoke. I had friends who smoked and it didn't bother me. But I could never understand why people were smoking. Des said that smoking was helping her with stress. I, on the other hand, always found other ways to get rid of stress.

 But when crazy things and sad things happen to you, you want to do the craziest things. To try everything, to see everything, to do all the bad things to yourself. To alleviate the pain inside you. Maybe, maybe by self-destructing, the fog in your soul will dissolve a little. Or rather, become thicker. And everything around you the same. Maybe then, only then, you will be able to forget and be forgotten for a while.

 I looked at the lighter next to me, in my friend's bag. I put the cigarette in my mouth. I grabbed the lighter and tried to light it up.

 It wasn't working.

 I cursed silently and took the cigarette out of my mouth. Then I got up and left the room.

 It was not long before I found out where it was going to happen. Fire and smoke could be seen from miles away. The fire was big. As it should be.

 I climbed the mountain with heavy steps. My eyes were swollen and almost closed. My legs, unsteady, and the cigarette in my hand was ready to fall.

 When I reached the top, the fire spread huge in front of me in all its glory. Some cried in front of the fire, others comforted them, while others stood motionless as my friend's body burned and became one with the soil. Anyway, Des was liked here. Perhaps her departure from this life was a blow to many here.

 I turned my back on the spectacle and made my way to leave. It was not worth going. I did not belong here. Not when...

 I stopped abruptly.

 What... what the hell was I doing? My friend was there. There...

 I fell down on the grass and ran my hands through my hair. I cried, but nothing came out.

 I was out of tears.

 My gaze returned to the empty gaze I had before, since my friend died.

 I got up with the cigarette in my hand and went to the altar with the wood where she was burning.

 I stood away. As soon as some people saw me, they made a sign to the others and everyone opened the way.

 The road from me to my friend's burning body was open. Everyone was looking at me strangely, as if a monster had finally come out of its cave. I caught the sad looks of the sect leaders lingering on me.

 I ignored them all and took some steps forward. The people opened up more space in my passage.

 When I arrived in front of the fire I picked up the cigarette I was holding in my hand.

 And I lit it with the flames that my friend was burning.

 What my friend loved so much, this last cigarette, was coming to life now, from the flames in which she was dying.

 I put the cigarette in my mouth and took a puff in her honor. I felt the smoke heavy and suffocating in my lungs and I took it out. I coughed a little, but I kept it. I had to keep it.

 The fire burned my face, but I did not care. My friend's body was now unrecognizable and like a simple pile.

 I did not sit there for long. It was not worth it anymore.

 I took two more puffs, before throwing down the cigarette and step on it with my foot. I didn't take it from the ground. I didn't care if it stayed there forever.

 It was all over now.

 It was all over.