On the Petals of a Flower, I found something that does not belong to me

51

 Warning: This chapter and this story does not encourage specific behaviours. Please proceed after consideration.

 A month had passed since my friend's passing and I didn't even understand how. During this month, many people talked to me, others avoided me and others tried stupidly to make me laugh. It didn't work.

 Within this month, I had become a moving zombie. I ate, went to the toilet, sat, slept and worked with the wood. Every now and then, when the memories struck me, I would go for a walk or for a run in the forest. Speed- speed made me feel like I was leaving everything, even for a while, behind me.

 I felt tired. I could not think correctly. Many times I struggled to do even the most basic things every day to stay alive, but the memories struck me again. The scene where my friend fell down with the horn stuck in her chest was playing in my head over and over again. And I was tired. It tired me unimaginably and irritated me. I was irritated with myself that I could not move on, that I could not forget it. That I could not trust my own thoughts and short them out.

 However, I didn't want anyone to see me like that. So when it caught me, I would go for a walk and run. I didn't want them to see that I was in pain, that I was weak. People stare. They avoid you. They whisper. And I did not want any of that. I wanted to avoid them, at all costs.

 When I could not run anymore, I drank. I drank a lot. I was not asking for a drink, but went and got it from Wei Wuxian's room. He once caught me doing it, but I did not move to hide and he did not tell me anything. Instead he threw me a drink in a glass and gave it to me. But I did not want the glass. I grabbed the whole jar and left.

 There were a number of things that happened to me before it hit again. At first I had an instinct-I understood it in my gut-, as if something was squeezing me and shouting that it did not want to go there again. Then came the trembling. My hands especially trembled a lot, to the point that I could not catch anything. And then came the sweat. I felt sweating everywhere. But the catalyst was the blur in my eyes. Despite my myopia, whether I was wearing glasses, lenses or anything, the blur blinded me.

 And then I was in a state of almost shock. I was caught up in the instinct of survival and ran out like crazy in nature to get some fresh air. And I ran, I ran, I ran. And then, little by little, after I ran, the symptoms started to subside. When I felt better, I would go back. I could have gone so far as to make several hours to come back. And when I came back, the questions rained down. 'Where have you been?', 'We made all the disciples look for you'. 'We were very worried.'

 During this month I was confronted every day with myself and everyone else. But dealing with myself and these memories was the hardest part. I was tired. I was just tired.

 I had finished the wooden legs for that disciple that Des had once asked me to do. Des cared so much for that boy, who lost his legs back then with A-Si. So I wanted to do something about the 'piece' that my friend had left behind. For this boy.

 That boy had woken up. But he could not come to see me, because he could not walk. Once, his friends brought him to me. And he cried in front of me for Des. For my friend with whom he had never lived with and never knew. When he finished, he sat down and spoke to me. And then I realized I had one last thing to do in this world. I had a mission to finish. But when I finished his legs and left them next to my bed, it had already started to happen again. The feeling in the gut first, the trembling second.

 So when it caught me, I ran outside. I ran away from it. Away from everyone and everything.

 When it stopped, I stopped too. I took deep breaths and rested my hands on my knees. I could feel my lungs exploding like bombs.

 "Charlie!"

 I turned my head. On the slope, Wen Ning was walking and behind him all the other Sect Leaders, along with some disciples.

 "We were looking for you! Where did you go again?" Wei Wuxian gasped.

 I watched them go up the slope panting.

Ramble.

 The ground shook and a loud noise was heard like lightning falling right next to us. The Sect leaders and the disciples covered their ears.

 "What... what is this?" did Lan Jingyi.

 I, again, did not cover them. Because I heard a voice calling to me. A familiar voice. A voice that I heard from a young age talking to me, singing to me, comforting me.

 "Charlie!"

 I turned around and looked. There was a gap in the air, just enough for a man to pass. Around the crevice, the landscape was as if it was wrapping itself and flickered. And within this rift was a familiar landscape. It was my grandfather's house. And inside my grandfather's house, I saw my mom, along with my dad.

 "Charlie!" cried my mom.

 "Mom!" I did and reached out my hand.

 My mother spread her own.

 Our hands joined and a force sucked me towards my mom, where I fell into her arms.

 "Charlie! Charlie. Where have you been all this time? Where?" my mom started crying loudly and stroked my hair.

 I started crying with her too. "Mom... Dad... sorry. I am so sorry."

 I looked at the portal that had appeared out of nowhere. It was still open and the familiar faces I saw every day for so long were looking at me with widened eyes and open mouths.

 "Charlie!" I heard Jiang Cheng shouting.

 I looked at them one last time, but I did not speak. I tried to memorize all of them for one last time. I was once treated well. And I would miss them. For some damn reason, I would miss them.

 "You said..." I was able to stammer through my sobs in my mother's arms. "You once wished I was gone. Now your wish has come true. Be happy. Live on."

 Before I could say anything more, the portal started to close, as all the people I met from that time and era came running towards me.