On the Petals of a Flower, I found something that does not belong to me

42

A/N: Okay. Last week I posted this chapter instead of the right one, so I left one week without updates so people who read it might forget it. Here it is now. No more delays (I hope in general). Enjoy! :)

Even though flowers fall, don't regret it. Even though weeds grow, don't hate them. Don't arouse the passions of attraction and repulsion, hating and loving. If only we don't arouse the passions, the falling of flowers and the growing of weeds as they are is manifest absolute reality. — Hakuun Yasutani

 The next days were days of rest. Well, 'rest'. Wei Wuxian had a week to deal with the teacher-corpse, which according to my friend Des, was not enough to bring him back to his senses.

 During this week Wei Wuxian was locked in a room with the teacher alone and no one was allowed to enter or leave. Not even Lan Wanji who was his special friend was allowed there. Lan Wanji, from what Des told me, was Wei Wuxian's husband because they were married. Not that I expected anything less. It was obvious from a thousand miles away and from Des's fangirling for the BL like an idiot.

 During this week, however, the situation where I was, worsened. Not physically. I was fine physically. I had started to recover well. But mentally. Because in every place I went, in every room I was in, in every corner I turned, the eyes pierced me. And I had learned those looks. 'You better be dead.' 'You better never talked.' 'You put Wei Wuxian in danger, you better go.' 'Who still wants you here?' 'You are an eyesore.' Even the little ones looked at me like that. And the disciples that didn't even know me.

 During the week, I felt like I was going to explode. The good thing was that Des was with me. She was the only one who didn't look at me like that. Even Wen Ning's gaze had become a bit harsh and he avoided me as soon as he saw me. Where was the 'I will protect you'? 'You are like my sister'? Where were all these false promises and empty words? I should not have trusted anyone from the beginning. They were right on the one hand. And yes. I felt guilty. But was there another solution? Didn't they do it for their world? Was there a different or better solution? Maybe I did it for my butt, yes. But what else could I do? Shall I shut my mouth?

 Maybe. Maybe I shouldn't talk. My biggest flaw had once again proved to be ruining my life. That I spoke without thinking about what I was saying.

 "Are you sure you want to go?"

 I got out of my trance and looked at Des. She gave the disciple something to drink. His name was Luo. He was the boy who A-Si had kidnapped. This boy had not woken up since he opened his eyes. He was empty. And his friends before, they looked sad and scared, before Des took them out. The days passed and their friend showed no signs of coming around.

 "How is he?" I avoided her question.

 Des looked at me. Then she carefully put Luo's head on the pillow. "I cannot say. Of course he seems okay. He has lost blood, but he looks fine. But I don't know what has happened and he is not coming around. He is alive but hasn't spoken yet or moved. He seems like a moving corpse."

 I shook my head. "Indeed."

 "You didn't answer me before. Will you go?"

 I averted her gaze. "I want to go. I cannot stand this situation here anymore. I feel like I'm drowning."

 I was suffocating my words. I was suffocating my emotions. I didn't want others to see me that way, especially my friend. I was drowning my wills. And then I wondered, why I felt like I was drowning.

 "Go" Des stood up. Then she touched my shoulder with her hand. "Look Charlie. Do not listen to them. You said an idea. Wei Wuxian had the final hand. He made a choice. It's not your fault if he goes to the beings or whatever happens. Do not have regrets. And besides, we might help, but we just want to go back. We do not belong here. We have nothing to do with this. So don't worry. You are not a part of all this."

 I looked at the sky outside. The sun had begun to set and the clouds were gathering. It would probably rain.

 I was a part of it all. From the beginning. And as much as I wanted not to participate, in the final I always did. Either voluntarily, or others were pulling me in.

 Someone knocked on the door. Des allowed them to pass.

 The door opened and four familiar faces appeared.

 "Maiden Des" they said and greeted her. Their eyes were enlightened. Then they turned to me. They glared at me with repulse and immediately took their disgusted eyes off me.

 They were right. Des was good. She had helped heal so many people, she had gone to battle to heal them, she had brought back the Yunmeng Jiang's boy and cared for him. She had become like a legend here.

 On the other hand, I was the wicked one. And they were right again. I was the useless, the greedy. The one who did nothing. I only complained that I wanted to go home. I was the one who only put them in trouble from the beginning. Because of which many had been hurt. The one who became a burden in the battles. The one who remained inactive.

 "Maiden Des, the Sect leaders are looking for you in the next room," Shizui said.

 "We also wanted to know how is Luo," said Jin Ling.

 Des smiled. "Do you know him?"

 "Not us. Zizen does" said Jingyi.

 The fourth boy, Zizen, looked sad. But when Des smiled at him lightly, all his worries seemed to go away.

 "I will not lie to you. Of course he is good. I think he can even walk. With something additive. Charlie is studying mechanical engineering. Maybe she can do something. You have also been involved with wood as an amateur for a long time, didn't you?" she turned to me.

 I avoided looking at her and looked elsewhere. "Well, I personally do not. My dad is a carpenter. I helped him here and there. But that was when I was a kid. But I can try."

 "Perfect" Des did and turned to the little ones. "As I told you, of course he is fine. And Charlie will do something for him that will help him walk. But mentally I do not know. We are waiting for him to 'wake up'. This."

 Although Des said things as they are, without sugary words, all the little ones looked at her as if they saw hope personified. And they were not wrong. Des had helped a lot during this time. It was as if she belonged here from the beginning. She fit here.

 Instead, I was the black sheep among the other whites.

 "Thank you Maiden Des! You are the best," said the boy, Zizen.

 Des laughed slightly. Then she looked at me. "I will go then. The Sect leaders want me. I'm going to tell them you're ready to go to the night hunt today."

 I looked at my friend. How lucky I was to have her with me. But before I could speak, the door was already closed and I was left in the room alone.

 "Thank you," I said in vain. Although my words were happy, tears welled up in my eyes. All the fingers were pointed at me. Everyone was blaming me. Wei Wuxian would leave and might die and it was my entire fault.

 I restrained my knees from falling. And as it was getting dark, I bowed my head and cried quietly.