Scared To Get Close (Lee Malia/ BMTH)

Chapter 4- Shadow Moses

Can you tell from the look in her eyes? We're going no where

We live our lives like we're ready to die. We're going no where

------------------------------

*Stephanie's Point Of View. *

So, turns out Bring Me The Horizon were doing a show here in Sheffield tonight so here I was, just sitting backstage doing nothing while the band were doing sound check.

If I'm honest I do really like the sound the guys have, all 5 of them are so talented. I think one thing that annoys me is that some people only think of my brother when they hear Bring Me the Horizon, they don't think of Lee, Vegan, Nicholls or Jordan. The rest of the band are equally as talented as Oli, so why don't people think of them too?

"Steph? You in there?" I'm then snapped away from my thoughts by a voice as a hand then also waves in front of my face.

"Huh?" I ask shaking my head slightly before looking up where I then find Lee standing just in front of me laughing slightly.

"Some things never change with you Steph. You still go off into daydreams." He continues to laugh lightly as he takes his guitar off and gives it to a member of the tech team as well as taking his earpieces out.

"Fuck off Lee." I say rolling my eyes.

"Well thanks, aren't you a great person to be around." Lee says also rolling his eyes before the two of us look at each other in silence for a few seconds before bursting out in laughter.

I guess this is one of our inside jokes kind of thing- we insult each other then laugh at it. I don't know it's weird, but I wouldn't change my friendship with Lee for anything.

"Dear god, I've missed this." I say after calming down from my laughing fit as Lee also calms before sitting down on the small double seated sofa that was randomly backstage.

"So have I. What happened Steph? Oli told us about the nightmares, you wake up screaming and crying. You shut people out too. Please tell me what happened." He begs- God are they all going to be asking this 24/7? Already it's getting annoying.

"Nothing happened Lee." I sigh looking down.

"Well, it's obvious that something did happen. Look Steph, please just tell me. I won't tell Oli if you don't want him knowing."

"Bullshit!" I snap at him standing up making him jump slightly. "You want to know what happened to me? I fucking grew up, people change! Maybe it's about time you did too!" and with that I instantly storm off somewhere backstage not looking back at Lee...

...Jesus why did I snap at him?

*Lee's Point Of View. *

I can't believe she just said that. God what happened to her? This isn't the Stephanie I met and grew to love.

"I think she's closer to you than she is me." I then hear Oli say from behind.

"Sorry." I sigh turning to look at him.

"Dude why are you sorry? I'm glad she's still close to someone at least." He says laughing at me slightly.

"Yeah, well she's still closing me out, I can tell." I explain feeling myself frown.

"Yeah, I know, she's doing that to everyone. She even closes out me, Tom and our parents. God I'm so worried about her Lee." he then also sighs before running a hand through his hair like he did earlier- God this is literally tearing him apart; I dread to know how it's effecting Tom.

Earlier Oli said he doesn't want Stephanie to start taking drugs like he did. If that's what Oli thinks then what does Tom and their parents think? Do they honestly think the same thing about Stephanie or is Oli just overreacting a little bit considering what he's gone through?

"Mate she'll start to open up soon, I'm sure. You did the right thing bringing her on tour with us, I think. I think we should stop asking her what happened, that's what I did, and you saw she reacted, it's annoying her." I tell Oli "Maybe we should just not ask her about it but let her know that we are here if she needs to talk, maybe then she'll start to open up."

"Maybe. But if I find out that this is all due to some asshole hurting my sister, I'm going to find the bastard and make him wish he was never born.

--------------------------------------------------------------

*Stephanie's Point Of View. *

"Okay so we're going to play one more song then we're going to fuck off!" My brother shouts into the microphone making screams erupt from the crowd as I watch them from the side wing.

Soon they start playing "Drown" as their final song for the show in Sheffield.

I know that the song "Drown" is metaphoric and my brother is actually singing about depression and saying that life is too hard to hold on to, but I wonder what it's like to drown- like actually drown in water. To just feel the water slowly filling up your lungs. Is a slow and painful death or is it a calm and pain free way to go?

Snapping from my depressing thought I then noticed that the song is coming to an end and soon the song is finished, and the crowd is cheering and clapping- god that must feel amazing, to be able to know that people are cheering and clapping because of you.

After a while the guys then walk off of the stage and come and join me backstage/ the side bit known as the wing.

"You were great guys." I praise them as they give their tech stuff to the tech team- so guitars, microphone, earpieces, that stuff.

"Thanks Steph." Oli smiles wrapping one of his arms around my shoulders.

"Ew Oliver! Get the fuck off of me! you're all sweaty that's gross!" I shout in disgust making Jordan and Nicholls laugh as Oli then unwraps his arm from around me.

That's when I then look at Lee and notice him just looking back at me with a frown on his face and evidence of hurt in his eyes. Is that what I did to him when I snapped at him earlier?

I'm a terrible person. I hurt one of my best friends.