Scared To Get Close (Lee Malia/ BMTH)

Chapter 8- Chelsea Smile

I've got a secret, it's on the tip of my tongue, it's on the back of my lungs, and I'm gonna keep it. I know something you don't know.

It sits in silence, eats away at me. It feeds like cancer. This guilt could fill a fucking sea. Pulling teeth, wolves at my door. Now falling and failing is all I know.

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*Stephanie's Point Of View. *

The guys found out I was self-harming yesterday, since then my brother hadn't spoken a word to me.

The others hadn't really spoken to me either to be honest, the only ones who had were Lee and Vegan. I guess they didn't really know what to say.

Today the guys of Bring Me had a day off and so we were just staying in London until around 6 in the evening and then we would start travelling to the next place which honestly, I don't even know where we're going next.

"You should really answer that, he's probably worried sick." Lee says referring to my ringing phone as he sits next to me on my bunk.

Looking down at my phone I see it's Tom again.

Tom had been calling me non-stop since last night and this morning, but I had been ignoring him, I really wasn't in the mood to talk to him as I knew what he was calling me for.

I knew that Oli had told him what happened.

"I really don't want to talk to him Lee." I sigh as it stops ringing- my phone obviously sending Tom to voice mail.

"I know you probably don't want to talk to him about it but you have to, he's worried about you Steph, we all are." Lee smiles slightly wrapping one of his arms around my shoulder pulling me into his chest slightly just as my phone starts ringing again. "Talk to him." Lee then says gently before placing a small kiss on my forehead as he unwraps his arm from around me before standing up and leaving me alone in the bunk area to answer the phone.

"Hey Tom." I whisper begging myself not to cry- why am I so weak.

"Oli told me what happened, how long have you been doing it for?" He asks straight away- his voice slightly croaky almost as if he had been crying.

"Have you been crying?" I ask him, ignoring his question.

"I'm worried about you Steph, of course I have, how long have you been doing it for?" he admits before asking the same question.

"I'm sorry Tom." I whisper feeling a tear of my own run down my cheek. "I've been doing it for a while."

"And by a while you mean?" he continues to ask me.

"You know how long a while is, Tom." I say feeling myself on the verge of cracking- They can't know about Dylan. "I've got to go, I'll talk to you later, maybe."

And with that I hang up, not even waiting for his response, before throwing myself down onto my bunk squishing my face into my pillows as I then begin to cry- I'm such a cry baby.

It must have been about 5 minutes of me being in the bunk area alone before I hear footstep approach me which makes me instantly bolt up as the door that separated the bunks from the other parts of the bus opens.

And walking through the door was my brother Oli which makes me tense up.

"Hey Steph." Oli says awkwardly walking towards me making me tuck my knees up to my chest as I feel the anxiety bubble up inside of me. "Tom text me telling me to check up on you because you hung up on him."

Not replying I instead look down and my arms that were wrapped around my knees which in return makes Oli sigh.

"Look Steph, I know I was a dick and I'm really sorry. I guess I panicked, and I know that's a really shitty excuse but honestly when I saw the cuts, I really did panic. After you went and had a lie down on the first day of you being here, I was talking to the boys and honestly, I was worried you were going to end up taking drugs and having an addiction like me, but then I saw you were doing that to yourself and it made me feel terrible about myself. I felt I was failing you as a brother I guess, I really am sorry Steph." He rambles making me look up at him.

"Look Oli, it's whatever I guess, just give me some space I guess." And with that I'm untucking my knees before standing up and leaving the bunk area and leaving my brother there.

I need to find Lee.

Walking around on the bus in search of Lee I (instead) walk into Jordan.

"Sorry Jordan." I mutter continuing to walk past before he grabs hold of my arm- and the one with the cuts. "Ow Jordan get the fuck off my arm!"

"Shit sorry love." His eyes widen in realisation of what he just did. "Anyway Steph, what's up? You're crying."

"Nothing I'm fine Jordan, do you know where Lee is?" I shrug his question off being throwing one of my own questions at him.

"I think he's at the front area of the bus." Jordan tells me making me nod.

"Thanks." I mutter before making my way there.

And sure enough, there he sits scrolling through his phone as Invisible Kid by Metallica plays through his phone speaker.

"Hey Lee." I smile slightly at him catching his attention which makes him smile back at me as he pauses the song before putting his phone down.

"Hey, what's happened sweetie?" he asks standing up coming towards me and engulfing me in a hug.

"Oli just came and spoke to me, honestly I don't know how to feel about it." I sigh hugging him back- Lee is honestly my best friend, I'm glad I have him.

"Oh sweetie." He starts using my old nickname again- basically we were joking, and I use to hate sweetie so he started using it as a joke to annoy me but now I don't mind it and so it stuck. "There's a Costa nearby, how about we go and grab a coffee and just sit down and talk. Honestly I feel you might need it."

"That sounds great Lee." I sigh into his chest as I feel him place a small kiss to the top of my head which makes me smile slightly.

"Let's go then. I'm paying, no argument about it." He says laughing slightly making me break out into a smile again as we pull apart.

"Okay. Thank you, Lee." I smile at him as he then picks up his hoodie putting it on himself.

"No problem." He smiles back

How did I get so lucky as to have a friend like Lee?