That little kiss you stole it held my heart and soul. And like a deer in the headlights, I meet my fate don't try to fight the storm. You'll tumble overboard tides will bring me back to you.
And on my deathbed, all I'll see is you the life may leave my lungs. But my heart will stay with you
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*Lee's Point of View.*
It's been an hour since Oli woke me up from that nightmare I had and since then it's been playing on my mind non-stop. No matter what I do I can't get the thought of what happened out of my head.
"Jordan, can I talk to you outside quickly, please?" I ask making him look up at me.
"Sure." He says standing up which makes me stand up too before the pair of us step outside. "So, what's up?"
"I'm worried about her Jordan." I say trying to hide my emotions.
"I know you are Lee." Jordan sighs placing a hand on my shoulder trying to comfort me.
"Jordan, I had a nightmare about her. She died, she left us, she left me and then it was her funeral, and it was horrible! For a moment I thought about joining Steph, just the thought of being in a world without her terrifies me. Those months where she wasn't texting me was hard enough, let alone this." I ramble out to him not being able to control what I'm saying until I've said it.
"Lee, mate, I know this has been hard on you, but you can't think that way. Besides, you know she's been showing a lot of improvement signs so she most probably will wake up and if she doesn't... If she doesn't then I'm sorry Lee but you're going to have to move on. Just like the rest of us will. It's not worth killing yourself over." Jordan tells me which instantly makes my heart shatter- even though I know he means well, that was still harsh.
"Wow because that wasn't harsh at all was it? I mean I asked to speak to you because I needed help as this whole thing has seriously been troubling me and you go and punch that out. Great fucking job Jordan." I spit at him making him flinch slightly.
"Mate, you know I only mean well. If Stephanie does die, then we're all going to be grieving not just you." Jordan tries to reason.
"Whatever, I can't deal with this anymore. I'm going on a walk. I'll be back later." I say with a sharp tone before leaving the hospital ward leaving Jordan behind.
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After having left the hospital, I just walk. I don't know where to, but I eventually come to a little corner store and a thought instantly comes to my mind from past experiences.
"Can I have a pack of Benson and Hedges Blue and a lighter?" I ask the person behind the till inside the shop as I reach for my wallet in my back pocket.
After the guy had got what I had asked for he instantly scanned them and told me the total to which I didn't really listen to but at the same time didn't care about and instantly pulled out my debit before placing in the card machine and entered my pin before pulling it back out.
"Thanks." I mumble after having put my card and wallet back into my pocket before grabbing hold of the packet of cigarettes and lighter and heading outside.
After having walked outside the store and over to where a small bench was randomly placed, I throw myself down onto the chair just as my phone rings making me grown. Getting a hold of my phone I look at the contact to see it's Vegan.
"Hello?" I ask into my phone to which Vegan's voice immediately comes through.
"Yeah, I went on a walk, I'm sat on random bench just outside of the corner shop about 10 minutes away from the hospital." I explain to him which he responds back to me.
"Vegan, I'm fine, you don't have to come down here. I'm serious, I'm fine." I reply which I don't even think Vegan hears me say before he hangs up.
"Fuck!" I mutter before looking down and at the packet of cigarettes and the lighter in my hand. letting out a sign I then tear open the box before ripping open the bag containing the ready rolled cigarettes. Picking up one from the box I place it between my lips before lighting it with the lighter. After having stuffed the lighter into my back pocket I breath in the smoke then taking the cigarette away from my mouth I exhale the smoke feeling ever so slightly calmer even from one puff.
If Stephanie wakes up and finds out I've started this, she'll hate me for it. I remember I did it once around her and she saw me and came marching up to me taking it out of my hand before stamping it out. That was when she was 16 so 2 years ago just over, I doubt she's more chill about it now, but oh well.
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By the time Vegan gets to me I'm close to finishing my second cigarette but I can tell from Vegans facial expression that as soon as he sees the small roll smoking between my fingers, he's shocked.
"Seriously Lee?" He asks me referring to the fact that I'm sat here smoking.
"I find it relaxes me." I shrug not thinking much of it as I take another puff.
"Stephanie's going to be so pissed when she finds out Lee, you know that right?" He informs me which makes me roll my eyes at him.
"If she wakes up." I mutter looking down at the floor as I take a final puff of smoke before throwing it on the floor and stamping it out.
"Lee what has gotten into you?" He asks me as he sits next to me looking at me curiously.
"Maybe you should ask Jordan." I scoff looking forward as I can't get myself to look at Vegan.
"Lee seriously. Talk to me." He says almost in a demanding tone which makes me let out a sigh.
"Okay." I say now looking at him before explaining what happened between me and Jordan.
"Wow, I mean that was really fucking harsh of him. You know he means well though right?" Vegan looks at me.
"I know." I mumble.
"Lee, we're not going to lose Stephanie, she's shown so many great recovery signs. Walking out of her room to come to you I overheard the nurses saying that they think she'll wake up soon due to how her body is responding. We're not getting rid of her that easily you know?" He explains.
"That's good then." I smile slightly.
If they think she's going to wake up soon then when is soon. I need her back in my life. If I need to spend another week without her, I'm going to go crazy.
YOU ARE READING
Scared To Get Close (Lee Malia/ BMTH)
FanficMeet Stephanie Sykes, little sister of Tom Sykes and their famous brother Oliver Sykes from Bring Me the Horizon. Stephanie was always close to her two brothers, that is until something happened at a club on Stephanie's 18th birthday. After that s...
