Scared To Get Close (Lee Malia/ BMTH)

Chapter 14- It Was Written In Blood

Goodbye my friend, goodbye my love, you're in my heart. It was preordained that we should part. We're united by and by, united by and by. Goodbye, no handshake to endure, there was nothing.

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*Stephanie's Point Of View.*

Since having the scene with Oli I've been sitting in the bunks alone scrolling aimlessly through my phone. Shockingly none of the guys have come to check on me yet and it all happened about an hour ago.

Right now, we were travelling Belfast for the show tomorrow night which the journey from Dublin to Belfast is about 2 hours.

I bet the guys hate me now, that's why none of them have come to check on me. They don't want to be a part of my fucked-up life and risk ruining the band.

Honestly, I don't blame them, I wouldn't want to be a part of a life like this.

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I must have fallen asleep (somehow) because the next thing I know I'm being woken up by someone.

Lee.

"Hey Steph." He smiles slightly at me as I sit up and rub my eyes. "We're almost at the hotel, about 5 minutes away."

"Alright." I mumble not looking at him.

"Steph, about earlier." He begins but I instantly cut him off.

"I don't want to talk about it Lee." I snap standing up and grabbing a small over the shoulder bag with some stuff (such as clothes) that I had previously packed ready for when we were next in a hotel.

"Stephanie please." He begs.

"No Lee, I don't want to talk about it so just forget it." I then shout slightly through gritted teeth and before I know it the other guys are walking in and Vegan's wrapping his arms around my body just in case I jumped on Lee and killed him.

None of the guys say anything to me, just stare at me. What could they say after what I said a couple of hours ago?

"Well, it looks like we've just pulled up at the hotel, I guess we should get going." Jordan sighs looking away from me- Vegan still having his arms around me in a defensive manner while still trying to bring me some type of comfort.

Letting out a sigh I then wriggle free from Vegan's grip and sling my bag over my shoulder before heading towards the front of the bus.

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After having places our stuff in our hotel rooms (we had the same pairing so I was with Oli) we all went to Jordan and Nicholls' room as the band wanted to talk about the concert tomorrow night.

And so here I was, just sitting on one of the sofas that was in the room, not talking to any of the guys as they discuss their setlist and show stuff.

I can't believe I've cracked. It's not even like it was the first time either, they found out I was self-harming, I broke down in front of Lee and if I wasn't careful I could have told him about Dylan, now they know something happened. they know someone hurt me in some way.

The thing is though, Dylan didn't only hurt me. he ruined me; he broke me. he stole something from me that I wanted to give to the person I loved the most and now I can't, and I can never get it back.

Why do I always mess things up? I'm a failure, a waste of space. Maybe I'm better off dead.

"Stephanie, what's wrong?" Oli asks as he sits down next to me wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "You're crying."