Scared To Get Close (Lee Malia/ BMTH)

Chapter 16- Hospital For Souls

And then I found out how hard it is to really change. Even Hell can get comfy once you've settled in. I just wanted the numb inside me to leave. No matter how fucked you get, sorrow is there when you come back down. The funny thing is all I ever wanted I already had. There's glimpses of heaven in every day. In the friends I have, the music I make, the love that I feel. I just had to start again.

---------------------------------

*Lee's Point Of View.*

it's been 3 days since Stephanie tried to commit. 3 days I haven't been able to witness her voice, her laugh or her smile. I never expected Stephanie to do this, I thought I could help her, she obviously thought differently. With all this happening I'm just thankful Vegan and Jordan haven't said anything further about me confessing to them I like Stephanie. I'm also thankful they promised not to tell Oli or Nicholls.

Speaking of Oli, he was due to arrive soon with Tom who had flown here to Ireland this morning. Their parents were unable to fly due to their passports being out of date- I know this really broke their hearts as this could possibly be the last time they see their daughter. As if on cue, Oli and Tom arrived a few moments later making me quickly (but carefully) pull my hand from Stephanie's.

"Lee, mate, could you give Tom and I some time with our sister?" Oli asks holding the door open slightly as Tom walked in behind him before standing on the opposite side of Stephanie's hospital bed.

"Erm, yeah sure." I nod understandingly before standing up and leaving.

I need to find Jordan; I need to talk to him.

*Oli's Point Of View.*

"I can't believe she did this, what's happened to her?" I hear Tom mutter as I watch him carefully stroke Stephanie's hair before looking up at me. "Did she say anything before..."

"No. I mean, not about this anyway. She suggested to us that someone hurt her, but she didn't say who and she didn't say how." I explain sadly- seeing my two younger siblings like this is horrible.

"The club. Something definitely happened to her there. I swear to god, if I find the person who caused all of this, I'm going to fucking kill them." Tom slightly shouts as his voice cracks. Soon I see tears roll down his face taking me by surprise- this must have been how the other guys felt when I started crying.

"Tom..." I trail off not knowing what to say as I walk over to my young brother and throw my arm around his shoulders as I feel my own tears start to fall again.

"I can't believe she did this. She used to be so happy, we use to be so happy." Tom sighs dropping his head slightly as he looks down at Stephanie's hand.

"We were so close." I mumble looking between Tom and Stephanie. "Hey, do you remember that time we made the guitars and the microphone from Duplo and started our own sibling band thinking we were really cool?"

"Yeah, I remember. I also remember we wrote a really shitty song and performed it to mum and dad." Tom says as I feel his shoulders shake slightly from laughter. "I just wish we could go back to those days man, no worries in the world, it was just the 3 of us."

Just as I go to reply to my brother, the door carefully opens revealing Jordan.

"Shit, I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were here Tom. Erm, I should probably leave you guys be considering you know, siblings." Jordan rambles making me shake my head at him slightly.

"Jordan it's fine. It might be nice if you stayed just so Tom and I don't make ourselves cry thinking back to our childhood." I say taking the piss out of myself and Tom trying to lighten the mood slightly.

"How's Lee holding up? He seemed to have taken this really heavily." Tom asks Jordan suddenly which makes Jordan tense up slightly? Before letting out a sigh.

"Yeah, he's struggling. I mean the pair of them have always been really close friends." Jordan lets out a sad smile.

"How do you do it Jordan?" I then suddenly ask Jordan resulting in him giving me a confused look.

"How do I do what?" by this point Jordan is clearly confused.

"Act strong. Throughout all of this I've seen you cry once and that was in the hotel room after Lee first found Steph."

"Honestly Oli, I've been a mess. Around you guys, especially you and Lee, I've kept my emotions bottled up as I've felt breaking down in front of you would not help you at all. Every night since it's happened, I've been on the phone to Emma in tears or on FaceTime to her and Eliot trying to distract myself. You're not the only one hurting right now Oli." Jordan explains letting a tear roll down his cheek as he sighs.

"Jordan, I'm sorry, I didn't realise..." I start.

"You have nothing to be sorry about Oli, you didn't know, plus you've been worried about your sister. Although I technically think of her as a little sister myself, she isn't my sister, I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you two, and your parents." Jordan lets out another sigh "I'm going to go and check on Lee, if I see Nicholls or Vegan, I'll send them your way just so the both of you aren't alone with Steph."

"Thank you, Jordan." Tom then mumbles just as Jordan turns around to leave the room.

After having quickly turned his head to give a small nod in mine and Tom's direction Jordan turns around once again before walking out of the room and carefully shutting the door behind him...

...I didn't realise how broken Jordan actually was. he's a good actor.