I've said it once, I've said it twice, I've said it a thousand fucking times. That I'm OK, that I'm fine, that it's all just in my mind. But this has got the best of me, and I can't seem to sleep. It's not cause you're not with me, it's cause you never leave.
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*Stephanie's Point Of View. *
Walking back to the tour bus I felt kind of awkward. Lee hadn't spoke to me at all, but I could feel his eyes on me and every time I would turn and look at him, he would just look down at the floor. God, I really hurt him from what I said. To be honest I'm not surprised he's so upset because what I said was really harsh... I haven't even been with these guys for 24 hours and already I've upset one of them.
"You should really talk to him Steph." Oli tells me as he suddenly appears next to me wrapping his arm around my shoulders.
"I don't think he would want to talk to me after what I said to him." I sigh looking down "I said to him..."
"I know what you said, I heard." Oli says to me sending me a sad smile.
"I really don't think he'd want to talk to me." I whisper just loud enough so that my brother can hear me as I look down to the floor.
"Steph, Lee will forgive you. He probably knows that you didn't mean what you said, you just need to talk to him." Oli explains just as we approach the tour bus making Jordan unlock the bus before all of us climb on it.
"So where are we going next?" I ask no one in particular as I sit down on the sofa.
"Liverpool, I believe." Jordan smiles at me as he sits next to me. "I think it takes about 2 hours and so we'll drive there overnight and then we'll wake up in Liverpool."
"Wait so we'll be sleeping in bunks on a moving tour bus? Oh my god but what if we crash? I don't want to die in my sleep!" I start to panic making the other guys laugh- all of them but Lee anyway who looks kind of worried about me, well I think it was worry anyway.
"Steph calm down. That won't happen." Vegan says trying to hide his laughter.
"Well, I fucking hope it doesn't." I say rolling my eyes.
"Oh Steph. you never fail to make me laugh." Nicholls grins messing up my hair.
"Dude, fuck off! Anyway, I'm getting ready for bed." I say before sighing.
Sleep. I hate the thought of it. I hate the way that even now Dylan is able to fight his way into dreams and turn them into nightmares.
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The way he stared at me. Even thinking about it now sends a chill down my spine- and not the good type either. He stared at me the way a lion would stare at his prey; he eyes me up as if I was a piece of meat.
I would have rather died. If I could have killed myself at any given moment, that would have been the moment.
Suicide.
It seems like such an easy thing to do. A bullet to the head, A piece of rope around the throat, or just simply, a deep enough cut just to bleed to death. There are so many other possibilities. I guess that we (as humans) are weak. I mean there's even cases where our own body can kill itself, I mean that's basically what cancer is. The cells in our body mutate, becomes cancerous and can kill us.
I wonder if death is peaceful, I wonder what it's like.
Bolting up I instantly feel the familiar tightness of my chest and the familiar feeling of my body shaking as my throat becomes dry and my head becomes light.
"Hey Steph, it's okay, I won't let anyone hurt you I promise." I then feel someone's arms wrap around me.
Lee.
"It's okay, please just breath, I'm here." He then whispers as I can feel the eyes from other guys on me and soon the light is turned on by Nicholls.
"Steph, hey, hey. Calm down please." I then hear the voice of my brother before Lee unwraps his arms from around me as I then feel Oli pulling me into his embrace. "Steph I'm here, I'm here."
As I slowly start to calm down, I feel myself pathetically grip onto the white shirt my brother was wearing before lifting my head up to look up at the other members.
"I'm sorry for waking you guys." I say feeling guilty as I pull away from Oli and look down at my hands.
Steph, love, don't feel guilty. We care about you; you know that right?" Jordan asks frowning slightly.
"I know." I sigh looking down.
"Well, I'm guessing we're in Liverpool considering the bus is no longer moving so at least you don't need to worry about the bus crashing anymore." Nicholls laughs slightly trying to lighten the mood which results in Oli shaking his head at him.
"Just try and get some sleep Steph." Vegan tells me before heading over to the light switch as the other guys start to climb into their bunks and I snuggle under my duvet again.
Just as I lie there thinking the guys had fallen asleep Nicholls speaks up- they must have thought I was asleep myself.
"I knew she was broken from the way she's been acting but I didn't realise she was this broken."
"I agree. What do you think happened to her Oli?" I then hear Jordan ask.
"Honestly I don't know what to think but it's definitely got something to do with the club she went to, I'm sure of it." I hear Oli sigh before rolling over- his bunk being above mine.
After a while of silence from the guys I think they're asleep. If I'm honest I'm not sleeping anytime soon so there's no point in me just laying here, might as well go and sit on the sofa and scroll through my phone or something.
After carefully climbing out of bed I then make my way over to the door before quietly opening it and then shutting it before going over to the sofa and sitting down on it unlocking my phone. At this current moment Instagram is quite dead considering most of the accounts I follow are those of British people.
Sighing I lock my phone again before tucking my knees up to my chest and place my head down onto my knees as my arms wrap around my legs.
"Can't sleep?" There then comes a voice.
"Hey Lee." I sigh looking up but not looking at him- the sun was now slowly starting to rise giving the bus some light, it was about 4:00 in the morning.
"What was the nightmare about?" He asks coming to sit down next to me as he wraps his arm around my shoulder.
"Nothing really." I lie looking down at my hands as I untuck my knees and place my feet on the floor. "Lee, what I said earlier backstage, I'm really sorry."
"It's fine Steph, I know you didn't mean it." He says smiling at me slightly when I look up at him. "Come here." he then pulls me into him so I'm leaning my head on his shoulder as both his arms wrap around my body. "Try and get some sleep."
And with that I feel myself slowly starting to drift off in Lee's arms as we stay snuggled on the sofa together.
What would I do without Lee?
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Scared To Get Close (Lee Malia/ BMTH)
FanfictionMeet Stephanie Sykes, little sister of Tom Sykes and their famous brother Oliver Sykes from Bring Me the Horizon. Stephanie was always close to her two brothers, that is until something happened at a club on Stephanie's 18th birthday. After that s...
