An Ackerman's secret

1

"Mila."

"Huh?" I snapped my head to Eren beside me who wore a confused expression.

Taking a few seconds to remember where we were, I sighed and took a sip of my tea. The warm liquid trickled down my throat which I hoped would finally warm me up.

"So?" He continued, taking the cup from my hand, placing it back on the table.

I shot him a glare, then realising I forgot what he asked. Thankfully, sparing my embarrassment, he noticed and repeated it. "How are you feeling about the expedition coming up?"

I took a second to think, to be honest I didn't even know myself what I was thinking. Half the time I block out any unnecessary emotions which will get me killed in the long run, a skill which Eren rarely possesses.

I almost forgot to answer his question again, "Alright, am I meant to feel something? Feeling scared isn't going to help so I hope that's not the case with you?" I finally reply, snatching my cup back before it can go cold.

Eren goes quiet.

Realising I may of been a tad bit harsh I place a hand on his shoulder to gain his attention, "It will be okay, and if not we all have each other, right?" I say, glancing around at our full table who nod in agreement.

This table I hoped would never become anything less than full.

Jean stayed quiet, not acknowledging my words or even lifting his head to agree or attempt a smile. I reach my hand over for his attention, "Jean?"

"Marco, he's gone and that could easily be any of us on this next expedition, and what will we do then?" He whispers, not wanting to bring the mood down.

Sasha looked in my direction, expecting a reply from me since she is always very awkward in these situations.

"Marco is still with us, even if we can't see him, he died so-"

Jean interrupts, "No don't start with that bullshit. He didn't die for anything, he died and that's it. Its unfair and I don't want to hear any shit about it being for a good reason." He stood up and walked off before any of us could speak.

I immediately felt bad. Fuck sake Sasha, why make me be the one to speak? I'm awful at consoling people too even if I pretend not to be because that means I failed. Which I totally just did.

What a great start to the day.

-

I sit on the surprisingly dry grass of the gardens to our castle, fiddling with my boots to distract myself. I was finally meeting with my father, who I managed to avoid for two weeks before he sent me the annual letter that I dread.

"Mila."

I shoot my head up to meet his eyes, attempting to hide any fear in my face that would make me look weak. But the eyes I looked into were a soft, friendly brown instead. "Oh Jean, hi."

He furrowed his brows, "Why did you look so scared? Who did you think I was?" He questioned. I guess I'm lucky he wasn't actually my father since it was that obvious. However, I didn't feel like explaining to Jean who and why.

"No one, you just caught me off guard."

For a moment he continued to examine my features for any indication of what I was thinking, but thankfully he let it go. "Well I wanted to apologise for earlier, you were just trying to help and I took my feelings out on you."

I stood up and immediately pulled him into a hug. His body stiffened before he exhaled and returned the hug. "Don't apologise, I'm sorry and shit with advice." I laughed, tightening the hug.