An Ackerman's secret

17

The next morning I was unwillingly woke up early by Sasha. I was still half asleep when she started jumping on me while waffling about something I wasn't paying attention to.

"Hey! Answer me!!" She shook my shoulders, waking me up. Honestly I didn't even realise that she had asked me a question, but luckily she repeated it for me. "What happened last night?!"

Connie I will kill you.

I rubbed my forehead and sat up, "Sash, literally nothing I swear." I'm guessing by now Connie had already gone and told everyone, what could he even say though when he saw nothing, it may have looked bad but it wasn't, for the most part.

"Hm. I don't know if I believe you." She tapped her chin with her finger in thought.

"Well you should." I stood up and began getting changed into my favourite everyday skirt, not even caring that Sasha was still in my room. We were so close we didn't care about that kind of thing anymore.

She stayed silent and I guessed that she was trying to read my body language to see if I was hiding something. It didn't take me long to get ready and she didn't talk the entire time I brushed my teeth and hair.

"He was just mad at me as expected."

"Oh. I guess that makes sense." She started munching on a potato, clearly no longer interested in the subject thank god. We both walked out of my room once I was done and I noticed that Levi had already left, he must wake up extremely early.

"Levi and Hange will be here soon." Sasha sat down as I got out everything I needed for breakfast and tea. I wasn't too hungry so I grabbed some bread and cut myself a few slices, we didn't have much food anyways.

Once I made myself some breakfast, I started boiling water for tea and searched the cupboards, praying that we had some biscuits. I was out of luck though, we had jam for our bread, but I wasn't the biggest fan, I'd rather just have it plain, especially in the morning. I rarely have breakfast, so when I do, its usually plain unless it is a special occasion.

"I'm going to go and annoy Connie as a part of my morning routine." Sasha jumped up and ran out of the room before I could even reply, her energy was slowly coming back.

I figured that I would leave the tea to later, since I don't know when Levi will be back. It was already sunny out, which gave me the idea to sit and eat my bread outside where I could also keep a lookout for anything.

There was a small spot for me to sit directly in the sun and I immediately claimed it. It was underneath the roof slightly, so the sun would shine on me while the roof kept it from going in my eyes. Perfect.

I sat down and bit into a slice of the bread, appreciating how it filled my stomach up. He would love it here. My mind drifted to him and how he wouldn't stop going on about how amazing the weather is if he was here with me, he would promise me that we would live the rest of our days in a place like this together. That sounded like a dream, which it is, because it's impossible.

Everything reminded me of him, in both a good and bad way. Remembering him was something that made me happy, but remembering I'll never be able to hold him again completely shadowed any happiness that came from our memories. It's not fair, why him out of everyone?

Over the last few days I blocked out any negative thoughts or guilt that tried to enter my mind, but there was no point trying to push it away forever, it was forever going to stay with me whether I liked it or not. Him, Miche, Petra, Oluo, Eld, Gunther, all of them were my fault.

I promised myself to train as hard as I could, but I hadn't properly started that promise yet, I was going easy on myself and that was wrong of me. Levi was right, this isn't a holiday, I should be spending my time training, not enjoying it.