runaway train [corpse]

the voice.

i couldn't stop crying for about 15 minutes.

the man was very patient with me, but i couldn't help being a little embarrassed. at one point he awkwardly reached a hand out and patted my forearm, in an attempt to comfort me. he also encouraged me to drink some water, and then passed me some napkins, which i gratefully accepted.

i pulled my mask down and turned my face away from him for a minute or two. once i had taken a few sips of water and caught my breath, i was ready to talk.
i noticed he shifted around in his seat quite a bit. not in a nervous way, but in a way that communicated he might be in pain, so i wondered about that.

i sighed. "okay. thank you for waiting, and for everything else. i can't believe that just happened. sorry."

he shook his head, "that guy was a creep, you don't have to be sorry. you didn't do anything wrong."

"okay," i replied, smiling at him. i pulled my mask back up and continued, "i'm okay now, to answer your question. but now i have some questions for you."

he nodded once.

"um, okay. so how do you know my name?"

"um, i have seen you and your friend on the train quite a few times now, and i've heard her call your name before. my memory for names is usually pretty shitty so i was just as surprised as you that i remembered correctly."

i couldn't find a reason to doubt his story, so i nodded and then continued.

"okay. i guess so far i have no reason not to trust you," i said with a quiet chuckle. "i... guess i don't really know where to go from here."

"i do," he responded quickly. "do you... know who i am?"

i looked into his eyes, and he was searching my face- i assume for the look of recognition i had given him before. he seemed a little anxious now, something i hated to be the source of.

"i have a bit of a hunch for who you might be, but... i could be wrong," i looked at his face to measure his reaction, but he was sitting very still, and his eyes were focused. "either way, i won't say anything to anyone. if you're the guy i think you are, you deserve your privacy. i'd never want to compromise that."

he slowly nodded his head, his curly hair shifting as he did, and he released a breath i didn't realize he'd been holding in. then he said, "thank you. i really appreciate it."

we both looked away then, as thunder rumbled and lightning flashed outside my window on the train, the rain coming down in torrents now.

for a moment, i felt peaceful, sitting next to him. i briefly forgot about the drunken man, and was soothed by the sounds of the rain hitting the window.

he cleared his throat. "uh, the train employees like, secured that drunk guy by the way. a few minutes ago. before the train gets to the station they might want to talk to us about what happened, but i can go back to my seat now if you want-"

"can you stay here?" i blurted out. he lifted his eyebrows in surprise and then i said, "i mean, if you're okay with that. you're the only person on this train who i feel like i can trust right now."

he nodded his head, and i said, "thank you Corp- i mean. uh, Chris."

he laughed and shook his head. "you can call me Corpse if you want to. whatever you want."

i was embarrassed again, feeling my cheeks turn red after hearing his laugh. it was like i couldn't control myself around him.

i very quickly understood why he made sure to avoid speaking at all costs in public places; his voice was almost immediately recognizable.

"okay, Corpse," i finally said. "well, um. why don't i... tell you about myself?"

"sure," he replied, his smile reaching up to his dark eyes.

"well, my name is Cara. i am here working with my friend who runs a non-profit in East Village."

"what's the non-profit for?"

once he asked that question, it was easy to dive into the details of the work we had been doing, and he seemed so interested in every detail. it was so rewarding to talk to him.

anytime he would ask a clarifying question, or hum in acknowledgment of something i had said, my heart would skip a beat, or start pounding. my body's reaction to his proximity was insane. it was like everything he did excited and captivated me.

he was so well-spoken and kind, and i thought of all the times i had watched his videos online, thinking of what it would be like to meet him. his presence very nearly overwhelmed me.

at some point, the train arrived at the station, and we each spoke to the members of staff about the incident with the drunk man. they asked me if i wanted to press charges and i said no, but they said that they were going to make a record of mine and Corpse's statements for future reference, in case anything like this happened again.

we both grabbed our bags, one black backpack each, and stepped onto the covered platform. the rain was loud. it was now 11pm and most of my adrenaline had worn off.

"so," i started, turning toward him. "will i see you again?"

he looked down for a brief moment and then met my eyes again. "i'm sure we'll run into each other on the train again. hopefully under better circumstances."

i nodded, hoping i wasn't coming off like a potential stalker. "i don't mean to make you uncomfortable-"

"you're not." he interrupted. "i just, i'm sorry, i get anxious."

"i get it, it's okay," i noticed his hands were starting to tremble slightly, and it definitely wasn't because of the chill in the air. "do you need a ride anywhere? i have a rental car at my friend's place," i offered, hoping to break some of the tension.

he thought about it for a moment, tilting his head to the side. "actually, that would be really cool. but are you sure? it's late and the rain's still going."

"yeah it's alright, i'll probably be up all night anyway. i'd rather have something to do," i said as he nodded his head and hummed in agreement.

i pulled out my phone and showed him that we were only two blocks from Amy's apartment, and we began walking in that direction together.

once we had officially exited the station, the rain slowed to a stop. we stepped out into the street lights and began the short walk.