runaway train [corpse]

the encounter.

i don't know if i can accurately describe the sense of relief and security that permeated my entire being while we were walking together.

i'd never met someone who i could fall into comfortable silence with so immediately, so naturally. there was no pressure to make small talk or even talk about what had happened on the train. we were just together. existing. and it was okay.

we rounded the last corner to Amy's street, walked up the stairs into the entryway of the building, and then headed up the last set of stairs to the second floor.

after the night i had had, it was a bit of a shock to my system to be back in the familiar surroundings and smells of the apartment. it felt like so much had changed in the last 2 hours of my life. i wondered if Corpse was experiencing anything similar, or if i was thinking too much.

after locking the door behind us i took my mask off, and turned to him. he was observing the photos that line the walls leading into the kitchen.
i said, "welcome to Amy's place. a lot of these photos are from past non-profits she's worked with. i think there's even a photo of us together, from the first day we met."

i led him down the line of framed photos, and smiled when my eyes landed upon our faces. i gestured to it and started to explain to him some of the details. Amy and i were both 22 and filled with a growing sense of purpose in the work we were doing. to be able to make such an immediate impact on peoples' lives was quickly becoming my only way of life. i was happy to retell the story of that day serving in a soup kitchen, but then i frowned, remembering something else.

"what is it?" he asked in a gentle voice, taking in my facial expression.

"i just remembered this was the project i turned down a date for. he was so disappointed that he told me he didn't want to see me anymore. i took it pretty hard," i said with a sigh.

"he's out of his mind," Corpse replied, shaking his head. "you were out helping people. why wouldn't he like that?"

"that's the question, huh?" i said, turning away, and walking toward the table where i keep my keyring. "i haven't actually been on a date ever since that guy, now that i think about it. i've just been so involved in volunteering and stuff that i don't make the time for it anymore."

"that's understandable. you seem like a very caring person so i could see why it might be hard to find someone who is like, at your level."

he said this as i was picking up my keys, and i turned to look at him, with a small smirk on my face. "at my level?"

he straightened up. "your level of dedication, i think."

i nodded my head, and said, "that makes sense. some might call my life a form of escapism, though. also i have my keys so we can go now."

we walked back to the front door and i grabbed my mask and an umbrella from the front closet as we made our way out. we were both silent again as i locked the door, and we started walking downstairs.

my car was parked right on the street out front of Amy's building. i unlocked the doors and we got inside. the rain started up again, slowly building up. without asking, Corpse gave me the first set of directions to where he needed to go, and i didn't ask any questions.

he did not take off or adjust his mask once.

i wasn't upset with him, but for some reason i had managed to think myself into a bad mood. remembering that guy from the past, and then what Corpse said about my "level of dedication" really threw me for a loop, for some reason. i would obviously be taking the time tonight to process all these feelings instead of sleeping.

i was also starting to notice that i really liked whatever cologne that he happened to be wearing. i had already come to terms with my growing feelings of attraction toward him, but being in such close proximity in my car didn't help me one bit. i wanted so badly to clear my mind, or make out with him, or both. i felt insane.