runaway train [corpse]

the timelapse.

my first few weeks with Amy are a bit of a blur.

there was a lot to get used to; an earlier schedule, new work pace, new faces, new routines. the hour-long train ride became the one stretch of my day that i truly had to myself. i was comfortable with Amy, but the fatigue of constantly being busy was starting to wear on me, and i didn't know how much longer i'd be able to conceal it from her. i spent most of our train rides with my headphones in and my eyes glued to a book. i convinced myself that if i could just manage to turn my brain off for that blessed 60 minutes, i'd be fine. sometimes it worked.

but most of the time i would become distracted by a certain fellow passenger.

he was tall, and always dressed in black. always sitting alone. always staring out the window. i found him intriguing.

he wasn't on the train every weekday like Amy and i, but i regularly caught myself looking for him. most people, including him, were still wearing masks, and i often wondered what he looked like. i wondered what he sounded like, as i had never heard him speak. i had also never even seen him pull his mask down to take a drink of water, or a bite of food. he seemed intent on concealing his identity.

we had made eye contact a few times, and it excited me anytime his eyes would linger. we usually would smile at each other, as much as you can with your face partially covered. his eyes were warm, and friendly. but i wasn't stupid- friendly eyes meant nothing if they were a cleverly set trap. so i kept my distance, but stayed curious.

one friday night, i boarded the train by myself. Amy had been asked out on a date by a coworker and planned to be out for the whole night. i was looking forward to being alone in the apartment.
i got in my seat and set my backpack down in the seat next to me.

not long after, the train started moving, and i started to relax. it was raining, about 9:30 at night, and most of the seats around me were empty. i was a little disappointed as i scanned the car, looking for the mysterious man. while i was distracted, a rough voice interrupted my thoughts.

"this seat taken?" a man asked me, while moving my backpack to the floor and placing himself in the spot it previously occupied. his dirty shoes made contact with my bag and i cringed. i quickly looked over to him and was immediately on edge. he was in his mid-40s, unshaven, and possibly tipsy. he smiled while looking at me, and threw his arm over the back of my seat.
"why are you sitting by yourself, pretty thing? no boyfriend?"

i clenched my jaw, trying to figure out how i was going to deal with this, and keep it from escalating. throughout the week i dealt with plenty of belligerent men, but i never had to go it alone. my chest tightened with anxiety.
i said, straining to control my tone of voice, "i'm just on my way home."

"right," he said with a smile, leaning in close to me, "where is home? where you heading?"

i swallowed hard, trying to keep my head up so as to not to make myself look more vulnerable than i already was. before responding to him i did another quick scan of the train car, and thankfully met the eyes of the mystery man a few rows down. not knowing what else to do, i widened my eyes to wordlessly communicate that i needed help. his head tilted to the side, and he looked at the drunk man, placing one of his hands on the back of a seat to stabilize himself. in that moment i felt a chill of recognition run through me. was it possible to recognize someone by their hands?

the man cleared his throat and i turned back to face him.

"i asked you a question," he said, an angry look in his eyes. he leaned in closer to me, nearly pinning me against the window. "where do you live?"
he then abruptly reached toward me, grabbing my forearm before i could pull it away.

the seconds continued to pass by, and i wondered if the mystery man had understood my eyes at all.

"please," i said with a trembling voice, tears threatening to escape my eyes. "i'll give you money if you want. what do you want?" i tried to pull my arm back and his grip tightened.

"i don't want your fuckin' money-"

"Cara?" a deep, rumbling voice asked, breaking me out of my trance. the man immediately loosened his grip. i looked up into the eyes of the mystery man. "hey, it's me. wow, i haven't seen you in so long. how ya been?"

the drunk man looked back and forth between us, confused.
thinking quickly, i said, "yes it's me, hi Cor- Chris. it's been so long. i'm doing well."

the man started to become embarrassed, and seemed to lose whatever energy had possessed him to harass me in the first place.

"excuse me," he grumbled in frustration, pulling himself out of the seat. the mystery man took his place, and the drunk man, diffused, waddled away down the train car and out of our sight.

after we were sure he was gone, my new friend turned to face me.

"after i saw you, i told one of the train employees about that guy so they should be talking to him now. are you okay?" he asked, his concerned eyes peering into mine.

i hadn't recovered from the shock of the situation, and i couldn't yet speak. there was too much to process-

the realization that that man had far worse intentions than just robbing me.

and the realization that i was probably correct about the identity of the man now sitting next to me.

i had so many questions. "who actually are you? how do you know my name? what are you doing here? what made you put yourself in this position?"

instead of answering his question, i burst into tears.