runaway train [corpse]

the need. *

i woke up a few hours later, confused.

after remembering where i was, i felt around the soft white sheets of the bed and realized i was the only one in it. i sat up slowly and rubbed my temples. the headache after crying had definitely settled in.

the room was a little brighter than it had been in hours previous, so i scanned around it while stretching my arms and legs. i had noticed that Corpse kept his hotel room decently neat, which i admired. as i swung my legs over the side of the bed, i suddenly heard the sounds of him in the kitchen area.

i went to the bathroom, assessed my broken toenail from the night before, borrowed some toothpaste and ran it along my teeth and tongue so that my breath wouldn't be offensive to Corpse, and then prepared to see him. i knew i was probably going to apologize again for waking him up, assuming he had actually been sleeping at the time.

Amy knew about my sleep problems, and knew something had happened in my family a few years ago, but she didn't know all the details yet. i still had a hard time talking about what had happened, and i hoped Corpse of all people would understand that.

i slowly made my way out to the stools around the kitchen counter, and he turned around at the stove to face me.

i cleared my throat and offered, "good morning," with as much of a smile as i could muster.

he replied with, "good morning indeed," and his voice was even deeper and raspier, if it was possible. "it's actually 2pm but hey, time isn't real anyway."
he turned back around to the stove and adjusted the tea pot he had been fiddling with.
"i'm uh, heating up some water. i have coffee and a few different types of tea. does anything sound good?"

i stood up, circling around to him, and said, "i'll definitely take some tea. but for now could i grab some water?"

"of course," he replied gently, reaching his long arms up to a tall shelf to get me a clean glass. i slid my fingers against his as he handed me the glass, his eyes crinkling up in response.

i filled my cup and sat down on one of the stools next to him, while we waited for the water to start boiling.

he was still in his dark sweatpants from the night before, but had changed into a crisp white t-shirt at some point.

i wanted to ask him so many questions and tell him so many things, tell him how much i appreciated him, but i couldn't find the words yet. my meltdown this morning seemed to be hanging in the air around us, impatiently waiting to be addressed.

"how did you sleep?" he eventually asked me.

"afterward? i slept fine," i replied, already feeling myself tense up with defensive energy.
"beforehand not so much."

"yeah," he said, turning his body toward me. "i wanted to ask you about what happened this morning, if that's okay."

i nodded slowly, placing my glass of water back on the counter after taking a long drink.
"i uh, had a bad dream."

he nodded slowly as well, mirroring my actions. i thought he might make a joke or something, or provide any kind of window for me to change the subject, but he just waited patiently for me to continue.

i looked into his waiting eyes. "listen, i... i really," i turned my body to his, scooting close to him. i let out a sigh. "it's a lot. and i know it was hard for you to let me come over and help you out in the first place so i'm a hypocrite. and then i had to have a stupid freak out in the middle of the night, so i know i'm really not being a good friend or person right now-" he still didn't interrupt. he just waited. i sighed again. "i'm just not ready to tell you, i think," and the realization hit me. i wanted to tell him, which was saying a lot, because i had never willingly had the conversation with anybody. "i will be, but i'm not right now. i'm sorry," i set a hand down on the counter and looked away from him, starting to feel ashamed of myself.

he reached out a hand to me and placed it on top of mine, and stroked the back of my hand with his thumb.

i looked back at him, and he said, "it's okay Cara. i'm not mad."
the teapot started whistling, so our moment was cut short.

he stood up and poured the hot water into two coffee mugs, and brought the mugs and tea bags over to our spot. we chit-chatted about our favorite kinds of tea while we opened the bags, and dissolved the previous conversation's tension.

after a few minutes, adding sugar and waiting for the drinks to cool off a little, he said, "i'm not mad or anything, but i was going to finally tell you where i've been going on my train rides and what i've been doing and stuff. but i guess it'll have to wait."

i chuckled at him and leaned closer to him. "i think we probably did everything we could get away with on the train already. talking might be all we have left."

he laughed, leaning into me. "yeah, i'm not sure what else would be comfortable to do in that tiny little bathroom."

"it was much more comfortable to finish what you started on the couch last night instead," i said, playfully averting my eyes from him. "i'm just sorry that you have this random needy girl in your apartment. you fed her, made her come, gave her a place to sleep, and she won't even tell you a good story?"

he slid his hands up my thighs, and leaned closer to my face while he spoke. "i'd make you come 100 more times even if you still weren't ready to tell me. be as needy as you want," he whispered into my ear, "i'm needy too."

i pressed myself into him, sliding off my chair to be closer to him. i stood between his legs; my breathing already ragged and uneven.
he wrapped his arms around me, and pulled me tightly against him.

"Corpse, i want to kiss you," i whispered in his ear. i felt his hands begin to move toward his face to take off his mask, but i stopped him. "wait. i want you to have a secret. okay?" i slid my hands down his body, feeling him tremble at my touch. i stepped back so i could look in his eyes. he understood that i wanted to take his shirt off, so he wordlessly obliged, tossing his shirt behind him. i gently ran the tips of my fingers over his chest, and he shivered.

"i don't know how much longer i can keep my face a secret, because i really want to kiss you too," he said, pulling me back toward him.

i thought for a moment. "i have an idea," i stepped back again to remove my own shirt, and then put my hands on top of his again. "put your mask over my eyes."

he looked confused for a moment, and said, "what do you mean? to cover your eyes?"

i nodded, and started kissing his neck. he was still trying to process what i had just said, so i busied my hands untying the string of his sweatpants.
he started gasping, and said, "uh, hang on," he gently took my face to look at me. "just for clarity. what exactly do you want me to do?"

"i want you to blindfold me," i said, my gaze not leaving his, "and i want to make you feel good." he then stood up, not breaking eye contact with me, and allowed me to slowly slide his sweatpants down onto the kitchen floor.

he now completely understood what i was asking for, and so i faced him with my eyes closed. i heard him remove his mask, and he slowly placed it over my eyes, and tied it around the back of my head. all the rest of my senses were on high alert, and i had never been so turned on.

"can i kiss you?" he whispered. "i didn't want to surprise you with your eyes covered."

all i could do was nod in anticipation.

when his lips met mine, all of the air left my lungs. my mind had no place to wander to while we kissed; every part of me wanted to be right where i was.

i had never been kissed so tenderly, treated so kindly, or had my thoughts taken into consideration the way he did with mine. Corpse deserved every good thing.

all i wanted to do was touch him where he needed me, and repay him the same kindness he had shown me.
so that's what i did.