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a weight off my shoulders.

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CHRIS

"What did he do?? Did he hit you?!" 

The moment her hands shoved me and I stumbled off of my knees, rage took over my entire body. It was more of what she said than the actually shove, but both actions had me in disbelief.

"What did you say?!" I questioned to make sure I wasn't tripping. 

Hit her? 

Why is that the first thing she jumps too when she sees Karin crying and I'm here. It's been literal years since the situation with my ex. Yes, I put my hands on her. I've admitted that, I was entirely wrong, I've taken my L for that whole entire situation.. in my career, in my mental, and in my personal life. I made a whole fucking documentary on the shit for god sakes. But yet, people who don't know me always find a way to throw the shit in my face the first chance they get. 

"You heard me!" she spat back, kneeling down to Karin wrapping her arms around her. "Are you okay cousin? What should I do?" 

Karin's eyes were wide, though she was still in the mist of a severe panic attack, her cousin's words caught her completely off guard. She squirmed out of Aaliyah's hold, not wanting to be touched by anyone at all. She struggled to breathe, as she tried to get sound to come out of her mouth. 

"I did not put my hands on her are you kidding me? She's having a panic attack." I wanted to really go off on her ass for saying that shit out of her mouth but I knew right now wasn't the time. It's ironic that her concern for her cousin stems from her thinking I'm in here abusing her, especially since as of lately she's been treating Karin like a stepsister, also ironic considering. 

"Baby breathe, you gotta catch your breath and calm down before you try to speak." I tried to comfort her from a distance because the last thing she wants right now is to be touched, or held. That was usually my easiest way to calm her but this time was different. The walls were caving in on her already broken soul. 

"What happened?" Aaliyah made eye contact with me seeing as Karin was in no position to talk. I held my index finger up to her to put her on pause, answering her questions was not my concern, getting my girlfriend to pull through this panic attack without being able to use any direct contact to her was. 

The tears began to dry on her face, now she was just in a minor hyperventilating mode Once she remembers how to breathe, she will be able to pull herself back together. 

"Deep breaths. Okay? Inhale.." I did it with her to show her how, and she mimicked me. "Exhale." we both blew the breathe back out. "And again inhale." We repeated the steps 3 times til her chest finally calmed down from the rapid contractions it was doing. During the last exhale she collapsed into herself, with her forehead pressed against her knees. 

"Okay. Just keep breathing slowly you got it from here." She sighed loudly and crawled over to my knees that were back pressed to the floor. I sat flat on the floor  spreading my legs as she crawled between them wrapping her arms around my torso. Her face pressed again my chest, and instantly I felt the moisture sink through my shirt to my skin. She was crying again, but it was a silent cry alerting me the panic attack had bypassed but the emotions were still heavily present. 

"You okay?" I held her with one arm around her back and the other hand caressing her hair from her face. She shook her head no to my question. I knew she wasn't okay, but I wanted to at least know she was out of that state.