ikigai |billie eilish

fourteen.

"okay you have to go" i back away from my parents. "are you sure you guys are gonna be okay alone for two weeks" my mom asked for the third time this morning.

"yes momma it's fine" ebony laughed then my mom nodded and grabbed ny dads hand. "okay we have to go" my dad said after he looked at his watch. we said bye again then got in the uber my parents called for me and ebony.

my parents anniversary is this week so my dad is taking my mom to paris for two weeks. we just left them at the airport. their flight is set to leave at 10pm because they're doing to non stop flight. so it'll be about 11 hours so they should land around 6pm, paris time.

"bro i'm going home and going to sleep, i'm so tired" i complain and put my head back in the seat. "you're always tired" she jokes but it's true.

"when is leo coming back" she asked then i checked my calendar in my phone. "4 days" i answered then locked my phone.

every year leo goes to florida to see some family around this time. he goes with his family for about a week. they used to live in florida but they moved cause both of his parents got jobs here. leo doesn't really like going down there because they always do the same things.

we got home so i gave a tip to the driver since my parents already paid him.

"unlock the door" i motion over to the door but she just shakes her head. "i thought you had your keys"

"what no"

"you always have your key dude"

"well i didn't bring them this time"

"what are we gonna do eliana"

she starts panicking so i laugh hard. "what are you laughing about" i pull my keys out of my pocket then show them to her. "you piss me off" she yanked them from my hand so she could unlock the door.

"nah you know what was hilarious" we get inside the house and take our shoes off. "no it wasn't" she disagreed then went up to her room.

i changed into shorts that make my ass look very fat, along with a t-shirt. i told ebony goodnight then went back to my room so i could go to sleep.

•••••••

i sit up quickly as i put my hand in my chest. my breathing starts to get rapid and short. what do i do? i squeeze my eyes shut as i try to think of what to do.

leo can't come over, i can't tell my sister because she'll tell my parents and they'll come home. fuck.

billie. she lives close and i know she'll come over quick. i can't be alone, i can't calm down by myself. i go to get my phone so i could text her to come over but it was hard since i'm shaking so bad.

i finally message her and she texted me back right away. i pull my legs up to my chest and squeeze my eyes shut again. my eyes start watering and my fists clenched together.

billie got here in a short amount of time and made her way up to my room. she saw me then closed my door before quickly running over to me. "please help me" i beg

she sat on the bed as she starts talking to me. "what's three things you see" she asked softly. my eyebrows furrow while i look at her. "hurry eliana!"

"uh you, my fan, my door" my breathing starts calming down and i realize i wasn't clenching my fists anymore. she scoots closer to me then tells me to take deep breath's.

we keep eye contact as we breathe together. she wipes my tears off my cheeks. i'm calmed down now so i hug her.

"what happened" she questions quietly. "i had another nightmare" my voice broke in the middle of the sentence which caused her to pull me in closer. "you're safe, i won't let you go"

i softly cry in her arms for a few minutes before i fully calm down. i sit all the way back up and look at her. "thank you" i smile but she just brushed it off "it's nothing, you can call me whenever"

she asked if i needed anything before she left, since i was fine now. "can... can you stay" i mumble but her eyebrows furrow.

"what did you say" she asked, not hearing me the first time. "can you stay" i raised my voice but it was still low since it's the middle of the night and my sister is sleeping. she told me yea and i starts getting out of my bed.

"i have to pee but you can change into whatever" i point to my closet then go to the bathroom.

when i come back i see billie laying comfortably on my bed. i laugh at her while she makes a silly smile. as i'm getting on my bed she starts moving but i stop her.

i lay on her chest "is this okay" i muttered. she nods then starts rubbing my back. "yea, of course" i smiled, and told her goodnight.

"goodnight eliana"

•••••••

i wake up then look around. oh shit. i remembered the events of last night and got annoyed because i had another nightmare. i put my head back on billies chest before sighing.

she moves a little bit, then a few minutes later she woke up. she looks down at me but turned my head over so she couldn't see me. "i look ugly in the morning" i stated but she thumps my forehead.

"what was that for?!?" i questioned. "one; i saw you last night and two, don't do that cause you're not ugly"

"you only think that cause you haven't seen me in the morning" i replied to her but she tried to look at me so i turned my head to the other side. we did that for a few seconds but she gave up.

"please let me see" i laughed at her words and thought about it for a moment. "ok fine but don't judge me" i told her but she started getting impatient. "okay okay i won't"

i turned over to look at her and she just smiled. "don't don't stare at me" i commanded. "what i'm not staring" she lied but didn't try to cover it up. "you're such a liar" i put my head back on her chest as she laughed.

"do you wanna get up"

"no, do you"

"nope" she replied immediately then pulled me closer to her.

i probably slept the best i have in a long time last night, after the nightmare. i was comfortable laying with her. she let me lay on her, she didn't get mad if i moved a lot. she wants me to be comfortable.

about another hour passed of us just talking, also joking around a lot. "i'm hungry dude" i sit up then get off of billie. she agreed with me "wanna get taco bell" we said at the same time which caused us to laugh.

"i don't have my wallet so can you just pay for mine and i'll pay you back" she requested as she brushed her hair and i brushed my teeth. i spit out the toothpaste "you don't have to pay me back. the least i could do is buy you lunch since you did all the last night"

"you don't have to do anything for that" she argued

"billie it's fine, i promise" i told her so she gave in.

me and billie got some lunch then we hung out for a little bit longer but she ended up leaving.

im thinking about last night way too much.