Sharks

4- Speak

Time had passed. How much time? I have no clue.

The days all looked mostly the same.

My mother would bring me breakfast at 7 am. She wasn't allowed to speak to me, but she was ordered to watch me eat and make sure I finished.

At noon my mother would bring me lunch, she wasn't allowed to speak to me then either, but sometimes father would be gone and she would.

At six she would bring me dinner. Sometimes she would write letters and hide them in the food. I was instructed to burn them after I read them.

Once a week, my father would come into my room after I finished dinner. I assumed it was on Sundays, but I couldn't be sure.

Those were the days I received my 'punishment.'

Then my mother would sit me down on the bed and bandage my wounds, still not allowed to speak.

Father would stand in the doorway. He would tell me that this was for my own good.

"Rosa, you are a monster, a disgusting creature that I am ashamed to have in my home, but we can get you help, we can save you."

"We will get you the help you so desperately need, I suppose I have failed you as a parent to lead you down this path. For that I am sorry."

"I know you must hate me now, but this has to be done, the pain is only temporary and it is for your benefit. This is difficult for me too, but I need to think of your future. You need to be cleansed."

"You disgust me, you bring shame upon your family, you bring shame to The Cartel, you will never amount to anything if you stay on this path."

The rest of the time I spent reading, lying in bed, or crying.

I was instructed to shower daily. To keep myself tidy.

Sometimes, after my shower, I would stare at myself in the mirror.

I'd look at the entirety of myself.

Then I'd look again.

You really are a monster, Rosa.

Maybe if I said it enough, the feelings would go away.

I was a monster. I was disgusting. I was a disgrace.

I was fully aware of it, and yet.

I was still very much in love with my best friend.

She was still very much a woman.

What was funny is that I thought I was so pure.

I thought I was better than everyone else because I never looked at a man with lust.

I thought I was better when in reality I was worse.

So much worse.

I gripped the edge of the counter as I looked at myself.

All of my father's words played through my mind.

Monster
Despicable
Shameful
Disgrace
Disgusting
Volatile

They were all true.

I just wanted to make it go away.

...
Father walked into the room. "I have some wonderful news, Rosa."

I looked up at him. "Yes?"

"We've found a nice place for you to stay, they've had many cases of successful conversion therapy."

I nodded. "When do I leave?"

"An hour."

That startled me. "What? Don't I need to pack?"

He shook his head. "No, everything will be provided for you there. You are to bring no personal belongings."

I nodded again. I was at a loss for words.

"Your mother will bring you lunch soon. After you finish you're leaving."

I looked at him with wide eyes. "Alright."

A couple of minutes later Mother came in with my food. She set it down in front of me, she looked frantic.

"Rosa, I don't have much time, but I need you to listen to me."

I nodded.

She ran her fingers through my hair. "Never forget who you are, baby. You aren't broken, you aren't a monster, don't let them get to you."

"W- what?" Tears formed in my eyes.

"You are perfect, I love you with every part of my being, promise me that you won't let them beat you down."

"Okay." I breathed. "I don't understand."

"Your father is a terrible man, I never wanted to marry him, my parents made me. I am so sorry you have been forced into this life, but I know you can rise above. I know you will get out."

I heard footsteps. I tried to push her away.

Father walked into the room. His eyes filled with fury as he saw her.

"Valentina!" He yelled at her and started to drag her out of the room.

"Don't let them get to you, Rosa! I believe in you!" She yelled after me.

Those were the last words my mother said to me.

...
Don't worry she's not gonna die.

It's just before Rosa leaves.