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Trigger Warning - Suicide

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Trigger Warning - Suicide.
...

Hangman.
Byte.
Scarface.

Shark.

The words I have just listed are the names of many very dangerous people. Men specifically.

Some you probably recognize.

For example Scarface and Shark.

These names are often assigned to you by the public.

My father was dubbed 'Shark' when I was three.

Why? Because it is said he can sense blood or violence.

Byte is the leader of the American Mafia. Andrew Brooks.

He uses lots of computer viruses, he's techie.

Hangman is the Italians. You might already know him.

Lorenzo Accardo hung all of his victims. His name was straight to the point.

Why does this matter?

It doesn't really, but this is what I thought about my first fifteen months in conversion 'therapy'.

I won't detail those months, mostly because there is nothing but pain there.

To give you an image of where I am, the camp is in the mountains.

Of where? I haven't got a clue.

Everything I do is watched, when I eat, when I shower, when I sleep.

The same routine every day, eat, pain, eat, pain, eat, shower, a small amount of free time, sleep.

When I came here I tried to listen to my mother's words.

I underestimated the power these people had. They read our letters before they gave them to us, many of the letters from my mother had lines crossed out and I was unable to read them. Even letters from my father had crossed-out lines.

I only ever received one letter with no crossed-out lines.

I received it two days after Nettie's birthday. It was from her.

It was a suicide letter.

My mother wrote to me a few days later, she confirmed the death.

My life had no color.

Until today.

I watched the young woman find herself a bunk.

Yes, I was a monster.

But she couldn't be.

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