16- Coffee

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I've never liked solitude

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I've never liked solitude. I've always needed people.

The hospital was dark and empty at night. It made me anxious.

I walked into the bathroom. I'd been here so many times today.

I changed into the clothes that Valentina had given me. They were comfortable even though they were a little big.

I ran my hands under the cold water. No matter how much I scrubbed I could still see the blood.

I scrubbed until my hands were red and raw.

It was still somehow there.

I walked back to the room. If I was gone for too long she would wake up.

The hospital staff set up a cot for me but I didn't use it. Valentina was somehow sure I was going to want to use it in the middle of the night so she rotated from sleeping in the chair to on the floor.

I felt bad for her but we both knew Rosa would be livid if she saw me in her place.

Stress and anger weren't something any of us wanted now.

I climbed back into the bed carefully.

I thought I was in the clear but then I saw her eyes were open. "You left again."

I jumped slightly. "How do you wake up so quickly?"

"I was born and raised Cartel. Footsteps will wake me up. Where did you go?" She spoke quickly.

"That sounds terrible." I tried to avoid the question.

"I can fall asleep easily. I'd rather have bad sleep than be shot in the middle of the night. I'll ask you again, where did you go?"

"The bathroom." I snuggled into her.

"For the seventh time tonight? Either something is wrong or you're lying to me."

"I'm fine," I mumbled. "Just tired." I wrapped my arms around her.

"Your hands are freezing." She gave me a pointed look.

"Yeah, I washed them." I shrugged.

She grabbed one and squeezed on it lightly. I winced.

She sighed. "I've been there. Hurting yourself won't make it go away."

I looked up at her. "You got that from cold hands and going to the bathroom a lot?"

She pulled my head to her chest. "I'm smart, and as I said, I've been there."

"Do you want to talk about it?" I pulled my face back to look at her.

She had a distant look in her eyes. "I don't think I'll ever want to talk about it."

"Ever?" I frowned.

"Maybe if I wanted you to leave me." She looked back at me. "I can tell you a lot about myself, I can't tell you how I lost my humanity. You'd run away."

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