mercury || luke hemmings

letter eighteen.

dear diary,

one month.

oh, god. one fucking month. that's all there is.

we've been doing so many good things together. we make each other so happy. it hurts to know that there's only one month of this feeling left. it's like a match, it only burns bright for so long- until it dies, and there's no more.

luke likes to talk about the world. he sees everything so beautifully, he talks about things as if they're so meaningful. he gives me hope that there are better days to lie ahead- we just have to get through the piles of shit.

i look at him and i see my whole life ahead of me- but then it hits me that we only have one month.

we've talked about a long distance relationship but we both agreed that would be unhealthy for the both of us. we want to go on dates, meet up at each others houses and drink shitty coffee together, not just settle for 2am skype calls.

i keep telling myself life after him could be great, that i'll go to college and become an adult and do taxes and shit, but i don't think anything could be greater than luke hemmings himself.

he's a walking miracle, to me at least. he climbed out of a hell hole and made something of himself, and now he's gonna go on and do amazing things.

i try not to think about it anymore, about him leaving. thinking about it doesn't make it hurt any less. but there's no way to ignore it, either. we're with each other any chance we get. after school, on the weekends, hell, we've even stayed the night at each others houses (nothing naughty, he just likes to watch me sleep, and i like to cuddle with him).

i want him to be my future but unfortunately he can only be my past. god, writing that down felt like a thousand daggers going into my heart.

i cried into his shoulder a few nights ago because i didn't want to forget him. i didn't want to forget him or us or the emotions he makes me feel and i just don't want these moments become memories.

he held me, and after a fee minutes of my gross sobs and cries, he whispered into my ear "just because i'm leaving, doesn't mean i'm gone."

i guess i don't have to forget him. i can always keep that little section for him in my heart, i'll just have to throw out a few things to make room for something else.

i got accepted to my college yesterday, to. luke and i were both excited but it just made it hurt more. i don't know why. almost everything hurts nowadays.

these letters are getting too long. sorry. i just have too many emotions. you know that feeling when you drop your phone and you slowly reach down to pick it up and see if it's shattered? that's the feeling i'm feeling. but it never stops, never subsides, i've just sort of dealt with it.

that's all i can do though, right? just 'deal with it'? of course, luke goes away and doesn't come back i'll have to find something other to do than just 'deal with it' but for now it's all i can do.

god, i love him so much.

love,

mercury.

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i'm updating again right after this because this story is giving me feels and i want it to give you guys feels aswell okay get ready for feels