mercury || luke hemmings

letter seventeen.

dear diary,

luke and i went on a picnic today. he sat out the blanket and i brought the sandwiches and drinks and we sat by the harbor and ate. it was nice.

we talked the whole time. we both had good weeks. luke got accepted to college and plans on leaving after we graduate. it's across state. that's actually fucking tragic and makes me want to burry myself six feet under this damned world but luke seemed so happy about it that i couldn't help but be happy for him, because i loved him.

i applied to a community college in town but i haven't heard anything back yet. i want to become a psychiatrist. luke thinks that's a great idea.

sometimes i read the letters. i don't know why. they're just constant reminders that teenage love is fucking tragic. how terrible it is to love something that death can touch? it fucking hurts.

a month and a half before we graduate. i don't want him to go. i want him to stay here.

but, then again, i want him to go. he deserves a life. he can't have that with me, i'll just drag him down. luke's okay, luke is finally okay and an okay person doesn't need to be mixed with a still hurting person. it doesn't work.

i think we both knew this would come. we would have to leave. it was always background knowledge to me that this would happen, something that i quietly accepted and went on with my life. it was easy to ignore when the world was moving so fast, something that could pass me by so easily.

it was easy to accept until i had couldn't live in quiet acceptance anymore. until i had to face it.

i love him. i love him so much. i love him i love him i love him, but he has to go.

i guess i can love him until then, right? he'll leave and i'll move on. we'll both go to college and become something and who knows, maybe we'll meet up again one day.

luke's been so sweet lately. taking me places, doing things together. we're in love. i guess our forever was cut short.

but i'm in love, and i want to scream it from the top of the mountains to everyone can know. i'm so in love with luke hemmings and to know that he loves me the same makes me the happiest i've been in years.

i've only got about a month and a half to be in love and i'm gonna fucking enjoy it, because love is beautiful even if it's fucking tragic.

it's fucking tragic, but i refuse to let it destroy me, not again.

i'm in love, and it's not going to destroy me.

love,

mercury