mercury || luke hemmings

letter twenty.

dear diary,

i hadn't cried once it the last two days, but when i woke up this morning it just hit me like a thousand bricks: we have two days left.

i wanted to cry, throw something and fall apart all at the same time, but i just settled for the easiest thing to do: i took a shower.

i kissed luke and told him i was going to take a shower under my shaking breath. he nodded and went back to sleep. god, he's so pretty when he sleeps.

i stripped down to nothing and stepped into the burning hot water and just stood there. who knows how long i just stood there with my arms crossed and my head down as the water hit my back, but i had no energy left in me to do anything.

i guess i had used all of my energy these past few days to keep myself together, that when that energy was finally gone, i fell apart.

it only started as a few silent tears on my cheeks but then it escalated to whimpers and sooner or later it was sobs. face buried in my hands sobs. the ugly sobs that make your throat burn and your head hurt.

i didn't stop when i heard the bathroom door open. i didn't stop when i could see the outlining of luke undressing through the shower curtain. i didn't stop when he stepped into the shower with me and held me together as i fell apart. skin to skin.

i only cried harder.

the fact that we were both completely naked didn't phase me at all. it just made me love him more, because in that moment we were both so vulnerable and small and there was nothing wrong with it.

luke had never seen me like this, so vulnerable and naked (emotionally and physically). he held me as i cried into his chest and i don't know how much time passed but at some point i could feel him cry, too.

no words were exchanged, no movements were made, we just held each other together for that time being.

after a while luke finally composed himself enough to turn the water off, but i could only stand there, shivering, with tear stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes. he looked just as tragic but he was still beautiful, where as i just looked tragic.

he dried himself off quickly and put his boxers back on and then turned to me and slowly wiped away the tears on my cheeks with his thumbs. i could tell he was trying not to cry again.

he wrapped a towel around my shoulders and could obviously tell i was too broken apart to properly function (let alone walk), so he picked me up and held me bridal style in his arms until we reached his bed and he gently sat me down on the side so my legs dangled off the edge.

by now i only had silent tears roll down my cheeks and onto my thighs. luke pulled a pair of his boxers up my legs and onto my hips so i wasn't bare naked anymore, which i hadn't even paid attention to. he was such a gentleman, too, he didn't try and sneak touches in or do something suggestive, he just pulled the boxers up and went over to grab a shirt from the floor.

he was just as respectful when he put my shirt on, not trying to touch my boobs or anything like that. he took the towel and dried my hair until it was damp and then he just looked at me.

we both looked sad, and worn out. his bloodshot eyes matched mine perfectly and his warm hands covered my shaking ones like it was meant to be.

we skipped school that day.

all we did was cuddle as he wiped away my tears.

tomorrow we graduate. it's our last day together. he leaves the next morning.

i love him. i love him too much for comfort. i love him so much it makes my eyes water and my throat burn. i will love him until the end of time.

i said the first thing that night.

"i love you," i said.

"i'm sorry." he whispered.

love,

mercury

-

this was really sad i cried