mercury || luke hemmings

letter nineteen.

dear diary,

it's been 2 weeks since i wrote in here. i'm sorry. i'm in love. i'm also very sad. very eventful.

i've basically lived with luke for the past week. he only lives with his mom, but she's gone a lot on her job so it's never a big deal. my mom understands. she always understands.

i like sleeping in the same bed as him. he always kisses me good morning, despite my horrid morning breath. we haven't done much, which is okay with me because all i want to do is hug him. i want to lie in bed and have him hold me together until he has to let me go and i fall apart.

i'm trying not to mention the thing that's going to happen in a few days (five, to be exact) because i'm really trying not to cry anymore until he leaves. i'm trying to hold myself together so we can just be normal for a few days. i am really trying to not fall apart here but it's getting hard with every passing minute and oh my god i can't breathe.

i have to take breaks sometimes because it all catches up with me at once and it gets stuck in my throat and makes my chest hurt and it becomes too much.

i just have to sit back and remember what's happening now is the only thing that matters. for instance, right now luke is taking a shower in the bathroom next to me and i'm sitting on his bed in his boxers and t-shirt writing in my notebook. this is what matters. moments like these.

and then i can finally breathe. everything's finally okay again.

in a few minutes luke will come out of the bathroom with wet hair and boxers and he'll smile at me, because we're okay. because we're in love and when you're in love you smile because you're happy with the other person.

a few days ago i was having doubts about love. was this love? was this all i got? a few months of a good feeling and nothing more? this was it? was this all love had to offer me?

and then i remembered: love is NOT just a temporary feeling. love is the emotion you get when you look into someones eyes and you're awestruck in their beauty. love is waking up to your better half and not wanting anything to change. love is letting the other person be happy, even if it hurts for you. that is love.

luke and i are exactly that. we want each other to be happy, even though it sucks on both of our parts.

i'm going to let him be happy. we're going to move on. and after a while, it won't hurt anymore.

we've got five days.

i just want him to be happy.

love,

mercury

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I'M UPDATING AGAIN RIGHT AFTER THIS BC YOU GUYS DESERVE IT AND BC THE NEXT CHAPTER HIT ME LIKE A TON OF BRICKS OH MY GOD