dear diary,
it's been about a month without luke and i'm still in love but it doesn't hurt as much anymore. i can fully function and go a day without crying. my pieces are coming together. i can smile.
i had to go by luke's house a few days ago because i left a few of my things in his room. his mom is nice, it's sad that i'll never get to know her.
his room was overwhelming. it smelled like him, even though he left long ago. i just grabbed my things and left, i didn't really want to be in there longer than i had to.
it brought back so many memories. sleepless nights, happy mornings, lazy afternoons and all the seconds in between.
i missed it all.
i can feel those moments passing me by and slipping through my fingertips and sometimes i struggle to remember the sound of his voice. i guess this is moving on. it hurts like hell.
i don't want to forget, but i know that i have to move on in order to get better. i can't mope around all day and never allow myself to recover. i can't go down that path again.
i guess i'm getting better, but i still love him. i know i do.
some part of me doesn't want to forget. it makes me second guess my choices and sometimes it makes me regret moving on. but then i remember i still love him and that i always will love him. he was the love of my life. i just have to get used to saying "was".
i start college in a month. i don't think i'm ready. i don't want to do it alone.
i guess the worst thing about this is being alone. just always being by yourself. it's always so quiet.
i hope i'm not alone much longer. i want to talk to someone about my boy problems.
love,
mercury
YOU ARE READING
mercury || luke hemmings
Fanfiction"how terrible it is to love something that death can touch." a story in which a girl who promised to never fall in love meets a boy who decides to change her mind. [book three in the solar series.] ©walkways [lowercase intended]
