ℓιє- J-Hope FF

Chapter 18

Y/N POV:

Hoseok....

Those beautiful and enchanting brown gems belong to the man I have begun to cherish more then my own life. I would die for his happiness, for his smile shaped like a heart soothing even the most desperate people to feel safe.

Why? Why is he here? Didn't he realise I'm doing this for him? Why didn't he just stay asleep back at the house now that I've seen his face It's harder to let go. Stop making it difficult for me!

My eyes begun to sting as they locked with the precious gems that stared right back with worry. But they have the same raw, swollen look to them as I do. Did I taint them? Is this my fault, I made him worry and now his beautiful eyes look painful to look at but I can't take my eyes off. My vision got blurry but not because I'm collapsing but because I can't hold back the tears yet again. I'm such a pathetic crybaby.

I felt warm arms wrap around my entire being. They moulded themselves around me making me feel safe. It's as if they were made for me and this was the only place I belong, in his warm embrace.

"Don't... don't ever do that again"

I could hear the worry, the sorrow and most of all the pain that flooded his voice. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Please stop being in pain because of me, I don't want to hurt you, not anymore.

After a while I felt especially weak. I could barely keep my eyes open but I mustered up the strength I have left.

" I- I I'm s-s-s-sorrrrry-y."

It came out so weak and breathy. I can't even speak properly but I want to at least apologise for everything I've done.

H: "Don't apologise nothings your fault. Just why?"

Because of you.

H: "Do you hate life that much?"

Not since you have been in it but I'm trying to make it better for you.

H: " do you hate me? Is that why?"

NO I COULD NEVER

H: "I'm sorry if it's me, I'll leave you alone if it means you will live."

No your the reason I would like to continue living but I can't drag you into my mess of a life. It'll destroy you.

H: " please "

His eyes watered as he looked down to me, gripping me tighter.

" i-i-its not y-you."

A tear fell from his eye making its way down his cheek. I gather any strength I have to lift my hand and caress his cheek, wiping the tear in the process. I let my arm drop to the ground again.

I'm losing all feeling in my body. I guess the pills are finally kicking in. It's not a bad way to die in the man I loves arms however I didn't want him to see this. I didn't want him to see me in this state, it's ugly and I don't want to see the pain in his eyes, it'll only make me regret the choice. Make me want to stay by his side........But I can't!

I was starting to close my eyes, they feel heavy.

H: " hey hey hey stay with me!"

He started to tap my cheek not too hard but hard enough to keep me awake.

Maybe I should tell him. Confess before I go. I could get it off my chest.

" I love you."

He looked a little confused and started to put his ear closer to me.

H: " what did you say? I couldn't hear you properly?"

"I love you"

He looked at me, we locked eyes. I can't tell what he's thinking, what is that look, is he surprised? Happy? Angry? Sad? Disgusted? I can't tell. He's gone silent, I think he's shocked and disgusted. I mean I would to if I was him. I'm a mess who could ever like me.

But I got it off my chest, it feels good. My lips, although weak, formed a smile and I stared at him. Slowly but surely my vision went black. I hear his panicked voice and felt constant tapping until I couldn't anymore.