Talkative

Breaking

Ts pov
(Tw: neglect and strong emotion, hint of depression, Unedited ofc!)

Song rec!!!!! STAB by. big naughty and EAJ

12/13/21

The wind turned my breath into clouds, I couldn't feel my fingertips or toes anymore, everything hurt. It was a long shift, working as a CNA took a toll on you mentally and physically. I extend my arms and back before getting off of the bus. quickly making my way up the apartment stairs and to my front door. I make sure to look behind me a few times, I was often paranoid when walking home this late, my mom's ex-boyfriends often times had our address and they weren't the best type of people. I place my cold fingers on the even colder door nob and turn it, I am hit with a familiar scent of incense, cigarettes, and Vodka. "Ahh home sweet home~"

I rush inside closing the door behind me, quickly removing my shoes, and running to turn the heater on. The apartment was empty but a mess. Areas, where my mom likes to occupy, were filled with trash and cans filled with cigarette ashes. "Mom?" I yell out hoping I would get a reply. No answer. I take a quick look around the small apartment, no sign of my mother. I hated when she wasn't home, it is hard to locate her not to mention she losses her phone every two weeks. I grab my phone out of my pocket and clicked the last person I called. 

It rings a total of 6 times before sending me to voice mail. No answer, normal for the first call. I call her a second time, third time, fifth, sixth, seventh. Now I am getting worried. I feel my heart begin to speed up, I try to think happy thoughts, keeping my thoughts positive eases my anxiety by a little, not much. "She's okay, she's an adult. She can handle herself." I try to convince myself, but I couldn't help but think of the time in high school when my mom disappeared for a week and turned out she was in jail. And the other time she was in the hospital because some drunk guy pushed her down the stairs. Or the time she... my mind goes wild. I feel my chest tighten up. "Mom please be okay, and please for the love of god call me back." 

I try to calm my nerves and get in the shower, tomorrow was Monday meaning I had class and I couldn't miss it. I tried my hardest to sleep. My mind was too busy running marathons and waking myself up every time I got a notification. 

Time skip 

12/17/21

I was beyond worried, I haven't slept and I have damn near bitten my nails to the cuticles. I'm scared, no contact, no text, nothing. I have called the nearest hospitals, our closest family members, her boyfriend, hell I even called the jail. 

My leg bounces up in down as I try to figure out who else to call, my mind was so distracted that I didn't hear V sweetly calling my name. "T?" He calls once his voice quiet and small. "T?" this time raising his voice sounding more concerned. "Tiana..." he placed his large warm-toned hand on my shoulder. His voice sounded so beautiful but I can't help but compare it to glass. His tone, the way he formed his sentences, I can tell someone has molded him to be 'perfect' and strong, but right now he sounds fragile. I jump, startling him in the process. "sorry, what was that?" I try to hide every ounce of worried that was bottled inside of me but, I was never good at hiding my emotions. Vs eyes fill with concern as he takes in my appearance. "Are you okay?" he makes sure not to break eye contact knowing I won't be honest. 

That question, I hate that damn question so fucking much. People will ask until they hear the truth. I pause, trying to keep my eyes from glossing over. "I'm fine," I give a faint smile but, only running on 2 hours of sleep every two days was taking a toll on me. V looks at me disappointed with my answer, he knows I'm lying. I want to spill out every emotion, tell him I'm breaking from the inside out, that I felt tired and alone and scared. But I wouldn't dare say that out loud. There is nothing I hate more than being pitied. Growing up people pitied me and my mom... a lot. My mom give out sob stories, some true and some exaggerated, asking me to play along. I hated it, every second of it. What's the point of opening up and crying? Asking for help? from who? They always ask for something in return or treat you like a pathetic lost puppy, can't even have the decency to not talk shit about you when your daughter is present. I won't rely on anyone...ever, again. Besides in order to be the "shoulder " people lean on, don't I have to be strong enough to hold myself up?

Jay was now in by the conversation, "hey um T, we are here for you, we care about you." his voice sounded smooth, and calming. It reminded me of the ocean, if I wasn't so scared of it I would jump in. "I know, Thank you guys" I put all of my energy into my words, trying to sound energetic. they give each other a look, then return their eyes to me. Man, I hated this, being the center of someone's pity. These two are like my best friends, and the fact that they were looking at me with those eyes scared me. V reaches out to grab ahold of my hand but before he does I quickly stand up. " Sorry guys! I have to rush home, I'm helping me um mom do this thing and she wants me home now!" My voice was loud making other in the class look over at me. "W-what do you mean? We still have 40 mins left of class?" Vs looks up at me with his eyebrows frowned. "haha right," I rub the back of my neck."I just remembered today. that she needs my help! Send me a picture of your notes please." I might have come off as too enthusiastic, I was never good at lying. "but-" Jay says but I rush out before I can let him finish. Making my way down the hallway I find the nearest bathroom and shut myself in the farthest stall. Tears rush down my face uncontrollably. I thought I was done crying in public bathrooms. I get a text message just two minutes into my heavy cry.

MOM: Hey I'm home, I was staying at a friend's house. Why is this place a mess???

I take a deep breath. "Are you serious????" now I'm angry. I open the stall and was about to storm out of the bathroom when I heard a familiar voice. "Crying in the bathroom? gross" she looks at my reflection. I stop in my tracks and look at the blond overdressed woman. Kayc. I was boiling with anger, I wanted to rip out every last stand on her big ass head. I take a deep breath, "T don't kill her, you can not go to jail." I tell myself outlaid. She lets out a loud and obnoxious sound, "hahaha bro your fucking crazy, pathetic." her words were harsh, I wanted to chokeslam her. I glare at her, my anger taking over, with every step closer I feel adrenaline rush through my body. "Let me ask you a question, can you fight?" I say emotionless. "wha-" before she finishes, I ball up my fist and swing it as close as I can to her face without making contact. She cowers, "then stop talking to me like you can." still emotionless I back away and exit the bathroom.

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hey yall, I've been sad lately so yeah anyways whew a hard chapter to write, next one will be triggering please be prepared. N sorry bout the mistakes love you much mwah!

Ahhhhhh sorry for publishing this 1000000 times