You Suck At Love (Original Book)

3

After our long chat I went back to the dorms, Cory wasn't around, he was probably at class or drinking something at the bar nearby. I let all the weight of my tiny small body on the bed, I checked my phone in case I had a text or any other notification but it had nothing. As usual.

'I could probably take Tamara's advice and go to the bar too, maybe Cory's there'

I shook my head. That's not like me, to go to a bar by myself what am I, a gold digger? Do gold diggers even do that? Like just thinking of a random guy wanting to get in my pants only for the night it's gross.

Tamara's birthday is coming up though, I think her birthday is by the end of September and she has a lot of friends, mostly male friends and they are people I already know from previous birthday parties. That's a good opportunity to get to know people, right?

Why am I overthinking this so much? I know I'm always whining about how it's been 21 years (yeah I'm 21) and I haven't fall in love yet, not even once and there are kiddos that are 12 and in love. Not to mention girls that lose their virginity at 14, what is that anyway? I lost it last year and thank God it happened. I mean not that I was desperate to lose it but... you know, having to tell the guys I dated that I was a virgin wasn't really the best thing to say, they get scared and leave at once.

It wasn't that bad either, to lose it I mean. It wasn't my type of guy to be honest but he was gentle and he made me feel pretty, at least while it lasted. We were old friends from middle school and we still talk but he doesn't know he took my v card. At least that's what I think.

Oh and you don't even want me to go back to my first kiss, that was a disaster. A complete disaster.

I was nervous, like all of us are when we're about to give our first kiss, I met him when I was about 13 at my cousin's birthday party. As much as I want to say it was my looks that caught his attention it wasn't, I just began talking to him because one of my friends liked him, so I was trying to go all cupid on them which it didn't happen because he liked me instead of my friend.

Cat fight! No, not really, that didn't happen either because when my friend found out he liked me instead of her she started dating someone else and told me she was over him, which I never believed obviously but I was a spoiled kid and very selfish.

That was the closest I was to falling in love, he went all in on telling me how much he liked me, I told him how much I liked him back and we kissed. Funny fact he was four years older so he should've known how to kiss. Wrong. It was horrible, I thought kisses were supposed to be nice and smooth but this one wasn't and I thought it was me at first, but I wasn't even doing anything, he was doing everything and it was horrible. Later on I found out his kisses were horrible and not mine.

Failure after failure, I even began to laugh at my stories because they were tragic but funny at the same time, many boys have told me before how cool I am and how they like my personality but nothing that could become a love story. I saw my friends falling in love and being happy, suffering and being single again. Me? I'm the only one that hasn't been on that train and I've tried trust me. Sometimes I think that's the problem, trying. I should just wait for it to appear but even waiting gets tiring.

I like being independent but having someone is completely different. I've also been betrayed by some of my old friends and that's why I don't have many close friends now.

Tamara constantly says I don't need to become close friends with new people, just meet new people and see what happens. She's got a point, but I'm not even interested in trying anymore, not for the moment at least.

I came back to my senses when the door of the room opened and Cory walked in, drunk.

"Jill why didn't yosu gzo tyo kthe bar?" Cory asked taking his shoes off and closing the door behind him.

"You're so drunk" I said laughing.

"Yohu're always locked up in here, you shopuld go to the bar once in a while with su" he said jumping on his bed.

"With you, who?" I asked confused.

"Paul, Ginny and Sid" he said.

"Oh, your group of friends" I reluctantly said.

"Ehty're alos uyour friends Jill" he said upset dropping his body on his bed.

"I know..." I said with a sigh.

"But yohu only see thme kwhen we invtei them over" he said blubbering.

I looked at him confused. "Are you crying?" I asked mocking him.

He nodded. "It makkes me sad thiat you don't like having a drink or two somewhere else but hjere" he said.

"You too? You guys think I've been like this since forever?" I said upset.

"We who?" he asked confused.

"You and Tamara, she knows I haven't been like this since forever, I used to go out a lot back in school, that's why I stopped. I only hooked up with random guys and I felt bad because none of them were more than just that, you know?" I said upset and a bit sad.

"But ymou were young and selfish, now you're old,er you've come through colrlege already, tsutr me int changes you and now it migjht be a differeunt story" he said trying to cheer me up.

"I know I won't find love or anything like that if I stay locked in here... but give me time... I will go out with you guys and meet new people just, give me time" I said with a sigh.

I didn't hear an answer. I glanced at Cory's bed and he was a sleeping baby, almost snoring.

I looked back at the ceiling and let out a loud sigh, I checked one more time my phone and then put it on the night table, rolling to one side of the bed to finally fall asleep.

It took me a while to fall asleep considering Cory was snoring but when I finally succeeded I walked into a deep sleep.