Amidst Darkness

Mini Identity Crisis

Farhat (a Turkish/Persian/Urdu word, originated from Arabic فرحة ) meaning 'Gratification', 'Happiness', 'Joy', 'Delight', 'Cheerful'.
Tabassum (an Arabic/Persian/Urdu word, originated from Arabic تبسم) meaning 'Smiling'.
'Farhat' being my first name & 'Tabassum' being my middle name, both collectively spelling a burst of Euphoria. Ah, what an immense joy it must be for my parents to have their first baby daughter as a bliss, that they added all the smiles, laughters & happiness they possibly could in my names. But, what a peculiar contradiction it is between my identity and how I usually feel. Aching & bleeding in self-made miseries, feeling burdensome by the compulsion of existence.
Oh, how paradoxical is the fact that my names speak of the happiness of the world in different languages & yet sometimes my grief-stricken self, fail to find one. So, maybe my names weren't given for myself to be happy, but as I made my parents happy enough to be named 'Happiness', maybe my soul will soak in the aches & pains of the people, till it heals the very core of them. Maybe joy & gratification is what I ought to give to this world. Cause, sometimes in the pursuit of the things we yearn, we learn to offer the people more than what's reciprocated back. And practically learn to find our happiness in other's happiness. Like how I wish to be the Farhat (happiness) for the people out there.